SelahV Today by hariette petersen

Is the Battle for a Better World "Pointless"?

A friend recently questioned my reasons for engaging the various battles in life when it all seemed so “pointless.”

 I understood her frustration. I’m the woman who wonders about all the battles when faced with monumental opposition at every turn: 

 ~ when legislators refuse to hear bills and judges overturn the public’s votes;

 ~ when school systems ignore the voices of parents and students;

 ~ when corruption destroys the efforts of hard work;

 ~ when society rebukes the Word of God and bashes Christians for faithfully standing upon it despite extreme personal losses — materially and emotionally;

 ~ when another baby is aborted and tossed in the trash; and,

 ~ when a Christian stands for truth and is knocked down by worldly opinion.

 If it’s pointless for people to stand against abortion, then the abortion rate would still be rising, not falling. Those who are pro-life would be losing ground, but they are gaining it: 87 abortion clinics in the U.S. closed in 2013.

 “The total number of surgical abortion clinics left in the U.S. is now 582. This represents an impressive 12% net decrease in surgical abortion clinics in 2013 alone, and a 73% drop from a high in 1991 of 2,176.” says Operation Rescue/here in a LifeNews.com report.

 If our battle saves one life and changes one mind for the rights of the unborn, then we’ve made one point. It’s not pointless. There’s reason for praise. People are waking up.

 I’ve often wondered why so many Planned Parenthood offices are located in minority neighborhoods, where desperation and hopelessness abounds. Could it be an ideological reflection of PP’s founder, the genocidal racist Margaret Sanger?

 Recognizing Sanger’s ideology, many people also recognize that Black Americans are the target for the majority of abortions in America, and they are speaking out. Former Congressman Allen West calls it ethnic cleansing, and cites that in 2012 in New York City there were 56,000 pregnancies among black women, and 31,000 ended in abortion. (Read West’s outrage here.)

 If we don’t battle for the rights or our children, then who will? Of course we’d like to see results; that’s the point in every battle– to win, to gain ground. But sometimes we gain ground by standing our ground.

 The culture of decadence and sinfulness is eating the soul of our society. America is deteriorating at a rapid pace; immorality is the cancerous tumor that’s spreading through every niche and node. We will forever be at war with the powers of darkness which seek to silence Christians in every single portion of their lives. Bit-by-bit, religious freedom is suppressed and shackled. More preachers are handing out sugar pills of tolerance to treat the sin which can only be removed by the Great Physician. We can sit down in the waiting rooms of life and let it all happen, or we can stand together and battle it. Even when it seems pointless to do so.

 We cannot fight all the battles, and we can never do enough. But we’re not called to eat the whole elephant– just to do what we each can with our one vote, two ears, two eyes and ten fingers. The rest we leave to God. 

“He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24.

So What's A Woman To Do When Her Vote Is Not Enough?

She does the best she can with what she has.  She may not be able to write a book, a column or run for office.  But she can become informed and she can canvas neighborhoods with flyers and have a yardsale to raise money for candidates of her choice.  She can support people who do write by saying "amen" to their columns, tweets and articles.  She can copy links from stories that say something she wants to say and send it to people she knows. 

She may think she cannot do something because it is impossible, but she can make a sign and take a stand next to others to protest something that means a great deal to her like education of her children and grandchildren.

She can buy the products that advertise someone she believes stands for her values, issues and policies and tell others to do likewise. "It only takes a spark to get a fire going."  She can go to her local party's headquarters and drop off a basket of muffins, a tray of sandwiches.

In my case I can write-- not eloquently, not perfectly, and not always with words that make a hill of beans difference in the scheme of things.  But I do what I can do.  From this side of my monitor, I can connect with people I could never connect with during a day.  With physical limitations, I sometimes feel totally and completely inadequate.  If I were younger, less confined and more able, I'd publish another newspaper like I did in 1993.  Looking back on what I did in Kentucky actually blows my mind.  It was an impossible feat.  But I prayed about it and God led every step of the way.

I got all worked up over the way a president's policies had taken our country the moment he got in office after he'd sold the country a bill of centrist goods.  It annoyed me.  No, it infuriated me.  Because I'd bought into a lie, I felt personally violated.  I wanted to right the situation.  But what was one little preacher's wife in a rural area gonna do to make any kind of difference?

I started by writing letters to the editor of papers. I wasn't a novice at writing, mind you-- I'd had a few articles published in magazines, and even won an award for an article I wrote in a state Baptist paper.  I had this grand idea to get syndicated in small county newspapers in every county in my state.  I never made it to first base till about 6 years ago.  A smarter woman might have given up and went back to canning tomatoes and green beans.  I'm not that smart.  Instead, I write letters to Senators, Congressmen, and editors all around the country.  A few times I saw responses to those letters in the newspapers.  I even got a few meaningless form letters from politicians.  It wasn't til I had an editor tell me how important one letter was that I actually began rethinking the impact I had with my letters.  I was told that one single letter from someone who took the time to write represented about 10,000 who felt the same way who didn't take the time to write.  Letters are important.

HERE is an excellent article about writing letters to elected officials that has very helpful guidelines.

But it wasn't enough.  I felt the need to do more.  So I started going to political party rallies, picnics and club meetings.  I went to both parties-- Republican and Democrat.  I was tired of getting secondhand accounts.  I went to news conferences that were open to the public and discovered that when I went home to watch the news report, it didn't represent what I saw and heard.  I got informed.  Then I began informing others.

We can't be everywhere.  We can vote and our vote is still only one vote. But we can tell others and maybe get another vote.  And yes, there will be defeats.  But I am not called to simply win... I'm called to be faithful to God and my fellowman:

"Thus says the LORD, "Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor. Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place." Jeremiah 22:3

It's not always easy to discern what's just and righteous--but I must focus on God's Word and follow Christ's example as closely as I possibly can.  I get informed, act on that information and trust God for the rest.  Then I can sleep at night and stand in the gap by day.  [see Ezekiel: 22:29-30]

Should Jesus be None of my Business?

The war seems so dark and dirty and flat-out exhausting.  It wears on my soul.  Not so much because of the powers of darkness and evil that stand ready with endless arrows in their quivers.  No.  It's due to some of the people handing the arrows to those who fire upon us.

When I read things like this coming from a fellow Southern Baptist (at least I thought he was a Baptist), it makes me tired.

It's hard enough to battle the culture of forced tolerance and acceptance of ungodly practices.  It's difficult enough to work and battle legislators to right the injustices and take stands against laws that limit our freedom to worship, express our faith and follow the call upon our lives to be holy even as He is holy.  It's troublesome enough to have to make bylaws tighter within our churches to include language to protect our church from having to bow to laws which may impose their views upon us and force us to do something in direct conflict with the Word of God. But to have another mega-church pastor pass his individual dictate upon the brethren who seek to protect rights? It just eats at my soul.

We're not squabbling over the color of the carpet here. We're standing on faith.  We're not clothed in bedsheets and carrying torches as Kirsten Powers suggests here and to which Denny Burk kindly and clearly rebuts here.  We are asking to be allowed the same freedom any other person is allowed in this country-- to refrain from doing something we do not believe is consistent with, or sanctioned by, our faith under the direction of God's Word.

Pastors err on the side of political correctness all the time these days.  I wasn't privy to the entire conversation Stanley had with Kirsten Powers in which she chose to quote him in her USA today story, saying:

"He told me he finds it 'offensive that Christians would leverage faith to support the Kansas law.' He said, 'Serving people we don't see eye to eye with is the essence of Christianity. Jesus died for a world with which he didn't see eye to eye. If a bakery doesn't want to sell its products to a gay couple, it's their business. Literally. But leave Jesus out of it."--Andy Stanley

So, I cannot read Stanley's mind on all of this.  However, given his reasoning, I suppose I shouldn't bother to write about issues like this either.  My writing should never bring up a topic that uses my faith in Christ as a motivating factor in what I moderate on my site. My business is writing but...

If what Stanley says holds true, it's okay if I block commenters but not okay to explain why.  It's okay to block commenters who posted links to porn sites that came to my site (in response to me simply publishing a letter from the Green family when the Greens were struggling on whether or not to close their stores or comply with the government's mandate upon their business)-- HOWEVER, I should "leave Jesus out of" my reason for monitoring in such a way.  After all, if I don't want to let commenters comment, then that's my business, but I shouldn't make it known that I don't accept their trash based on my faith in Jesus.

When I refused access to my one blog that had the Green's message regarding their faith-stand about abortion meds, those commenters visited each and every blog I wrote and went back as far as a year in search of vulnerable access to add their venomous filth to my site (thank God I had blocks in place). But... I got so much of their trash in my email box, I finally removed the entire blog which provoked their attacks on me for several months, and restored it only in the past few weeks. 

Maybe I shouldn't use Jesus as my standard for my decision making. The reason I will no longer buy Disney's products is because I don't trust them anymore and don't tolerate their preferences being forced upon my grandchildren's television viewing.  The reason I won't buy Girl Scout Cookies is because of my faith in Jesus who is the creator of life that Planned Parenthood wants to snuff out.  But perhaps, I shouldn't say why. 

As Bryan Fischer says in his article here, "Stanley at this point gets dangerously confusing."

Blanket statements like Stanley's do give confusing signals to Christians who hold true to their belief that the Bible is clear that marriage is between one man and one woman-- not two men, or two women-- or whatever definition that the courts of the land will deem allowable choices in the future. Our culture is seriously flawed...

"It is critical believers realize homosexuality is not just another sin among others... And while there are many sectors of sin, the issue of homosexuality is not ancillary issue.  It hits at the heart of what is wrong in our culture (Al Mohler, preaching at SEBTS, Baptist Press, 03/01/1995, embolden added)"-- found here.

And many Christians do not want to be forced to participate in the ungodly cultural "choices" of other people whose view of marriage goes against the Biblical views and our country guarantees we are allowed to hold in accordance with our faith. To lump all sins into one bucket spins a web of misguided views of what Christians are trying to say regarding using our talents and gifts and vocational choices to honor God and to bring glory to Him in "whatsoever we say or do".  It seems that's soon to change... it's not to bring glory to Christ but submission to government and public pressures.

Am guessing that many Christians will think long and hard about opening photography, bakery, floral, and wedding consultant businesses-- or any business-- that would force them to sanction marriages or activities which conflict with their faith.  After all, as Andy Stanley says, "it is their business.  Literally."  Except when it's not.

[ARTICLE WORTH CONSIDERATION ON THIS SUBJECT: BY Russell Moore at MOORE to the POINT.  On Weddings and Conscience: Are Christians Hypocrites? HERE]

Stanley at this point gets dangerously confusing. "If a bakery doesn't want to sell its products to a gay couple, it's their business. Literally. But leave Jesus out of it." - See more at: http://www.onenewsnow.com/perspectives/bryan-fischer/2014/02/20/andy-stanley-do-you-really-want-christians-to-keep-christ-out-of-business#sthash.LKkhjxlW.dpuf

Stanley at this point gets dangerously confusing. "If a bakery doesn't want to sell its products to a gay couple, it's their business. Literally. But leave Jesus out of it." - See more at: http://www.onenewsnow.com/perspectives/bryan-fischer/2014/02/20/andy-stanley-do-you-really-want-christians-to-keep-christ-out-of-business#sthash.LKkhjxlW.dpuf

How to Live a Tranquil Life Without Wringing Someone's Neck

may be rooted in controversial obligations. Do you really want tranquility?

Living with dishonest people who deceive us and write laws which demand we live one way while they live another is beyond irritating. 

If you're anything like me, quite often you want to curse those ding-a-lings in government and higher office.  You read the same stories of unethical corruption and double-dealing manipulative shenanigans going on with leaders who have power to destroy your life and you'd like to see them get theirs.

You'd like to wring their necks.

You are fed up with the arrogant authoritarians and legislators; the last thing you want to do is pray blessings upon them.  Mercy is hardly the feeling you entertain when you see the injustice exacted upon fellow citizens who are as helpless as you are to combat their abuse of power.

However, that's the way of things for we Christians.  We're often called to forgive the unforgiveable, to have mercy upon those who deserve none.  It's following Christ's example.  It's taking Romans 12:2 seriously and not being "conformed to this world"-- not returning retribution for that which is meted out unto us.  It's "being transformed by the renewal of your mind" so "that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" and thereby live in Christ's righteousness.

There are no times in Christ's life where we see him lose control of his situation. He never got rattled.  He knew who was in authority.  He knew who held the power over life and death. Even on the cross, when Jesus could have called down legions of angels to wipe out those people who were scourging, mocking and ridiculing him, He chose to obey the Father in Heaven. I wonder if He was praying for Pilate and the Sanhedrin as He stood before them in trial before He was crucified. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do" makes me think He may have.  Can we do less?  After all, we aren't being crucified, are we?  No matter what we suffer, it's nothing in comparison to our Savior-- He didn't deserve what He received.

When I consider Paul's urging to Timothy, I think Christ is asking no more from us than He was willing to do himself...do you?

"...that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone, for kings and all those who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity." 1 Timothy 2:1-2

Did you see that blessing that follows our obedience to pray for those in authority over us?  Don't miss it.  When we relinquish our fears and angst and petition God, we surrender our problems to Him.  We go to the One who can make a difference.  When we have hearts of thanksgiving rather than settling a score and getting even God says something follows our obedience:   

"so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity"

It's not easy...but according to God's word...?  It's worth it, don't you think?  Let it go; let God deal with it.  It's bigger than you are.  Do all you can and pray.  Make intercession for others who suffer because of those in authority over them. Then trust in the Lord and He will give you peace that passes all understanding.  

When God Restores What We Have Lost

it is a beautiful thing. 

Last Summer I tried to grow geraniums at my back door.  I placed several pots on my rustic country bench and wanted so much to have their beauty blooming all summer and into Fall.  Ah, but the pesky grasshoppers loved them as much as I did.  My vision was to I enjoy their beauty each time I walked outside, or see when I pulled into my driveway, but the carnivorous cousin to locusts believed they were put there especially for their breakfast, lunch, dinner and anytime snacks.  We had millions of bug-eyed creatures in Oklahoma.  They were so thick it frightened my 6 year-old granddaughter to walk outside from her house to mind just 12 feet away.  Insects flew right in your face and didn't care how rude they were at all-- an experience that inspired another devotional /link.

Every day, I'd go out and spray the plants with vinegar water.  I'd toss Cayenne pepper on them, but those creepy green and brown monsters continued to chomp, chomp, chomp.  Nothing fazed them.  I'd stand and stare them down, and they'd stare right back at me.  I'd move toward them and they'd crawl under the ladder rung where I had hung a few pots.  They dared me to move them away from their perches.  They played hide-n-seek with me each time I shot them with squirts of vinegar water (which only deterred them for a little while).

They didn't just eat my geraniums.  They took over my glider and climbed all over my window panes and screens. In fact, they ate three holes in one of my screens; they sat on the iron porch-posts for hours on end and never moved.  Guess they had a iron-deficiency or something.  It was futile to keep the flowers blooming, the moment a blossom sprout appeared, the monsters chewed it off.  I don't know why I kept watering them, but...

I did....and

...It wasn't until the latter part of October I decided to bring the pots into the house and separate the individual plants.  I bought some fresh potting soil, filled various clay pottery and mason jars with gravel on the bottom, added the soil, then stuck pathetic shoots of leftover geraniums on top.  It took a while.  But within a couple of weeks the worn-out shoots grew leaves, and then flowers blossomed.  It was so exciting to see the first blossom, the second and on and on.  Today, there is snow on the ground for the fifth or sixth time since November.  The temperature was near 9 degrees this morning and has hovered around 15 all day-- and this is Southwest Oklahoma, folks!  The groundhog suggests we're in for another 6 weeks of frigid temps and more snow and icy weather is predicted for this weekend.   However, now...as I look out my Eastern window each day, God has given me back the day the locust had eaten last Summer.  And it is a lovely blessing to behold.

"I will repay you for the years that the swarming locust ate, the young locust, the destroying locust, and the devouring locust--" Joel 2:25

HE GOES BEFORE ME...link.

Mamas Make Sure You Tell Your Sons...

to heed the wisdom of Solomon.  He would know the pitfalls for their lives.  God would have them walk in HIS way and not the way of Satan.  God would have them have a full, purposeful and productive life-- not a life that leads to destruction.  So, in this day and age, where anything goes, and culture tells your sons to throw caution to the wind, it's good to take the time-- while they are young-- to talk to them. Before they leave your home's protective grace, make time to share your heart and God's Words of wisdom.

Yeah, mom, it's up to us sometimes to be the ones to caution sons about we women-- or rather-- the other women in the world.  Not all women are like mommas, grandmas and sisters.  Tell him: "Not all women want what's best for you. Some women are in this world to create harm and destruction.  They have no desires but their own and they don't care who they take down with them in order to get their way."  Let him know that Solomon knew this all too well when he wrote:

"For the lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, Her steps take hold of Sheol, She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.…Now then, my sons, listen to me And do not depart from the words of my mouth" Proverbs 5:3-7

When a son is getting ready to stand at the altar of God and take the woman of his choice to be his lawfully wedded wife, it's as good a time as any to remind them of these truths from Proverbs 5.  Don't be shy about reminding him if you've already taught him the ways of God during his teenage years.  He may seem like he doesn't want to hear, but he will hear when you pray about it and ask God to open the ears of his mind and heart.  In fact, that may be the best way in the world to begin your conversation.  Take him out to lunch, and in some secluded steak-house booth, begin your time with him in prayer and ask God to guide him all the days of his life.  Ask God to give him wisdom to be the head of his household and to honor Him in all he says and does.  Then, share the passage above with him. 

Caution him that there will be times in his life when he may not feel the joy and love he feels at that moment as he looks forward to a life with his bride-to-be.  Warn him of the evil one who wants to destroy his life and is already plotting and planning ways to come between him and his beloved and God.  Remind him that he has got to walk with the LORD daily and keep Him ever-present in his mind as he seeks to build the home that only can be built with God's intervention and grace.  Let him know that there are women like the one Solomon describes who will try to prey upon him in his weaker moments-- when he feels unloved or unappreciated.  Tell him to look to God for his strength and wisdom.  Tell him to take time each day and read one chapter of Proverbs, then pray with him that God will give him wisdom and discernment in all parts of his world.

Do this mom.  Do this even if you've not been as close as you needed to be throughout his teen years.  Let him know you want the best for him and his wife.  Give him your blessing and thank God for the woman He has brought to be his helpmate.  Afterwards, remember to pray for him every day that Satan not enter his household, and that the LORD keep him from all temptation.  

LORD...help us all be better moms.  Help us guide our sons and our daughters in the way You want them to walk.  We give them to You and pray grace upon them. Amen

Women need to stop drinking the Kool-aid

That stuff will kill you.

The proverbial promises in seasonal happiness are as addictive as sugar that sweetens a glass of Boo-berry, and are as fleeting as the thirst that it quenches on a hot Oklahoma day.

Most of my life was spent on, what I now consider, lesser pursuits.  By misplacing value on things--and I do mean things-- I failed to recognize that some of my choices fell short of nobler purposes.  I regret that-- but I do not condemn ladies who choose to work outside the home.  Work is necessity for some people...and in this day and age, many women go to work just to make ends meet, not for luxuries.  They need health insurance, braces and glasses for children.  It's not always a wistful whim for avoiding motherhood-- far from it.  My own son wanted to play trumpet and so the money I earned at work helped us provide that for him. It helped pay dental and doctor bills.

At one time it was important that my kids dress the way others dressed to avoid ridicule from their peers-- so I went to work to earn extra money for that. I might have served them better by helping them see that clothes do not a prince and princess make.  I could have prayed more for their ability to see this principle instead of feeding temporal desires to be like everyone else.  Looking back, I see the futility of extra money above more quality time with family.  I see tensions that developed because of my desire to help provide "more" when less would have sufficed--or been better. 

Hindsight can drive you crazy if you let it.  But we can't.  We must accept the error of our ways and pray for greater wisdom for ourselves, our daughters and granddaughters.  Everything is a judgment call and all too often judgment fails to be the wisest-- even if it has the best of intentions in mind at the time.  Equal and wiser lessons from experiences of life could have produced stronger attitudes for thrift, frugality and restraint. 

When we moms get all wrapped up in the moment, sometimes we allow our emotions to rule our decisions. 

Now, don't get lost on that last statement.  If you do, you may miss my point.  Past regrets can motivate our present behavior.  We learn from a particular experience and we can let it influence our actions for the better or for the worse.  I think women could learn a lot from a class in risk analysis.  Rather than base our decisions upon protecting our children's ego and self-esteem in a particular situation, we'd be better off basing decisions on developing character, instilling integrity and encouraging hard work.  I wish I'd spent more time rewarding my kids for memorizing Proverbs that spoke to a particular issue of character than buying into the fuzzy-wuzzy, Hallmarky commercials on television.

One of my greatest joys right now is watching my daughter home-school her two younger girls. I am so proud of her for this discipline--it's amazing to me. I dare say that there are many women today who couldn't hold a candle to her kind of sacrifice, diligence, organization and self-control.  As disciplined as my daughter is, I cannot take credit for her diligence-- she grew in spite of my mistakes.  Her virtues come from her own experiences, her own spiritual growth, and her individual yielding to God's Word.  If I asked, I'm sure she'd have her own testimony about sipping the "Kool-aid" of society at times.

We all learn lessons of “Kool-aid” indulgence in one way or another, I suppose.  Some lessons lead to regret, but eventually, if you ask God to return to you the day the locust has eaten, they lead to greater wisdom.  From that wisdom comes endurance, faith and the knowledge that God's grace is sufficient.

Prayer:  Lord, open our eyes to the wisdom You alone can give. Give us insight and words of encouragement for others we pass throughout this day.

When Women Go to War We Pick Our Battles

I learned a long time ago that some battles are better left for another day, another time.  Some things are best left unsaid, even if they are true.  Truth can do irreparable harm to a relationship especially when the truth is unkind or unworthy of report.  Women can get all caught up and emotionally involved with something that's not worth the fight.  Sometimes it just doesn't matter if the rules are stretched to the outer limits, as long as we keep our sanity.  Women tend to be as quick to compromise in areas which make little difference (if it preserves or restores a relationship), as we are to jump to conclusions that cause friction and fissures.

God convicted me of this truth today as I wrote a post for SBC Today and put the finishing touches on: "War on Women, What's a Woman to Do?"  It speaks to the issue of older women mentoring younger women.  As I wrote the post, I thought about my own life and how flawed I am.  What kind of mentor would I be in a crunch time?

Just last week I made a comment on Twitter only to have some stranger respond and ask if "they let people without brains"-- like me-- "vote".  I shouldn't have responded (but I did), with "you betcha".  Suddenly another lady jumps in and calls me "brainless".  That was when I decided it was time to be slower to speak.  Twitter wars are merciless.  Snarks and sarcasm abound.  The second lady bowed out after making and deleting a goofy irrelevant statement about how I spelled a word I hadn't even written.  Even though the first lady was still being snippy, I defused further angst by complimenting her on what she called her "claim to fame".  We parted ways with her saying thanks for my wish for her added success. 

I decided from that tweet conversation that I needed to be a lot "slower to speak". I'm too flippant and impulsive for my own good sometimes.  I'm practicing though.  I was caught off guard with that little 140-character discussion.  Big mistake on my part.  What kind of example am I?  No matter how snippy, snarly and antagonizing another is, there's no excuse for me being the same way.  Not a bad hair day, nor bad people day excuses rude behavior on my part.  I'm not to see myself as better than anyone else.  If I tend to my flaws more than I tend to the flaws in others, spiritual growth quickly follows.

God's Spirit convinced me of this--though at times it slips my mind.  I know better than to respond to people the same way they talk to me.  This is why "the whole armor of God" is necessary before we begin our daily walk.  We need to pray, pray and pray some more. We need to feed our minds with God's word and be ever mindful of the snares Satan sets before us.  Our pride can do major damage when we fail to pick our battles as we go off to war each day.  Who would look to me for an example if my example leads them into battles they do not need to fight?  I think you know the answer to that one.

Prayer:  Lord, give me insight into my own weaknesses and keep me from temptation when I encounter people You place in my path.  Give me Your eyes to see and Your words to speak that I may bring glory to You.  selahV

WELL, SHUT MY MOUTH... It's possible that even I can't hear for the debates in my own mind.  It's possible that the people with whom I want to communicate can't hear me for the same reason/link for more.

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How to Live With Grief

It's not easy.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it.  It is a pain.

Some moments it is all you can do to breathe.  Some days it's all you can do to get up and brush your teeth.  Sometimes we hold onto pain to survive the emptiness and void we see beyond our heartache.  I know.

Each day you make it through a night that follows a sunset, you waken to see another sunrise, you walk toward a brighter moment. You may not see the light, but it is there or there would be no shadows. 

It's true; life will never be the same again.  You'll never be the same.  You'll never have the same "normal".  How could you when you can no longer hold your loved ones hand, or feel their for-nothing-hugs?  How could you when you no longer hear their laughter, their voice, their footsteps coming down the hall?  How could you when their own special smell only lingers in your mind?

Firstly, try to understand there is no perfect way or combination of ways to live with grief.  You find your own way-- at your own pace.

No one else has your grief. The path you walk is not necessarily blazed by another-- no matter how close they are to the same person who left this old earth. They did not lose your relationship with your loved one. They lost theirs.

So it's best to understand that few can comprehend the depth of your pain or loss-- nor can you totally understand theirs.  Some have walked grief's journey, but it was still theirs.  Yours is what you know, what you feel, what you have to deal with on a daily basis.  The things that trigger memories that bring you joy or sorrow are not the same another may have.  You have to find your own ways of filling your void.

Some like crowds-- to be surrounded with noise.  Others like solitude and silence.  Some laugh; others cry.  Some bathe their minds in soothing music.  Some drown their pain in the hum of chainsaws which muffle the silent thunder in their hearts.  Some want to do nothing; others can't stay busy enough.  Grief calls us each to experience our own hour of living without someone.

So...dear friends. Learn to be yourself.  Do what you need to do to survive grief's cycle of anger, denial, and acceptance.  No one can take away your grief to make it better.  You have to relinquish it yourself.  And you will do that...

when you are ready... when you are strong enough to turn loose and trust the world again.

It's not easy, but it is possible.  It really is.  Especially when you know the Savior who is aquainted with grief.  He is the balm to heal your brokenness. He is the wholeness you need.  His grace is sufficient.  He is enough.

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