You never seem forewarned... you never know when they're coming.
They are kinda like curve-balls.
Like the one thrown at me recently. It was like having a benched pitcher, who consistently throws slow lobs over the plate, come to the fore and throw a fast moving curve ball right at your head... and when it comes, it not only catches you off guard... it boomerangs back and smacks you right between the eyes. I was totally shocked and caught off guard when life's latest curve-ball slammed into my face.
Never in my life would I dream this particular person would intentionally and maliciously choose to insult and humiliate me. I would never have considered it. Not this person...not at this event. But hey, life is full of curve balls. And people tend to follow their own desires-- not those of God.
That said, when this situation occurred, I cannot tell you how deeply it cut into my soul. Gutted. Every good thing I'd ever considered about this person was totally wiped out....obliterated. Her entire personna was destroyed. Any integrity I had once credited to her evaporated. The more I thought about her actions, the more I questioned everything I'd ever believed true and good about her. And...the more I wanted to be completely separated from her. Severed. Her action was the straw that broke the camel's back in a decades-long series of forgiven, tolerated and condoned slights, slams and slaps. I think that was why it pierced my soul. It carried with it the force of all those affronts before it.
However, this slam came at a time when I was totally and completely exhausted, was in tremendous physical and emotional pain, a time when I had all the hopes and expectation of pure joy and delight to help soothe my wearied soul. Then a jetliner of angst, bitterness and smugness flew head-on into my face. Out of the blue. No warning. Intentional malicious insult.
"A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt." Gilbert K. Chesterson
Can't say I can forgive yet.
I am struggling with what to do about it. How to handle the situation. It's clear this person has an underlying vendetta of hatred toward me. A cursory apology will not clear the air. Some things we must live with for the duration of life. And God will give me the necessary grace to do so. Meanwhile, the bleeding has stopped, and the wound is scabbing over. No telling how long it will take to heal, if ever on this side of eternity.
I believe there are hurts we have in life that cannot be fixed, glazed over or reconciled. I believe it takes two to accomplish that feat of mercy. And the only place we find such mercy is at the feet of Jesus with a penitent spirit. He alone can touch the wound and bind the hearts broken by those who find pleasure in hurting others. selahV
