In 1 Kings 18, before Elijah confronts the worshippers of Baal to prove God was God, the only God, he got his marching orders from God. Then he put his wood in order. He prepared the altar of the Lord which had been torn down. He placed 12 stones for the twelve tribes. He had them dig a 13-inch deep trench around the altar; put the wood upon the stones, cut up the bull, then drenched it all with water until it filled that trench. He did all that before He called on God to ignite that wood and consume it. When the trench of water surrounded the drenched wood, all was in order. Elijah called on God to burn up the water-saturated wood. Four-hundred and fifty Baal prophets (with all their chest pounding, body slashing, and self-masochism) could not get their god, the god of fire and lightning, to produce a single spark to consume their own dry sacrifice. Yet when Elijah called on God, His fire consumed the entire sacrifice and left the water-soaked ground dry as a desert sand.
I've used this as a guide on many occasions when I consider confronting another. I should first wait upon the Lord and be certain God is leading me to confront them--and that it is within God's timing that I do so. Often we jump too soon; we're impulsive to right whatever wrong, to "help" God out. Instead, we should put our wood in order; Elijah based his argument on the 12 tribes of Israel, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. On what do we base our argument to confront? That we've been offended? That we don't like the way someone does a certain thing? That they aren't saying things we want them to say? How solid is the foundation of our argument? What is the purpose for our confrontation? To do good, or simply to point out another's failings and create greater diviseness?
As we consider confronting anyone we'd probably do well to ask: am I able to discern another's situation with a clean heart--washed free from any prejudice or preconceived ideas? Is the "log" out of my own eye? Have I asked God to forgive any anymosity hidden in my heart regarding the situation and people involved? If I can answer these things affirmatively, then it's safe to proceed in considering a confrontation. If not, I should get myself right with God, and let go of any irritation I have with the party I am about to confront. I find that most times, when I get this part straightened out, I have no need to confront anyone.
Have I thought objectively about the issue and prayed about it? Can I truthfully say that God is leading me to confront them? If the answers are affirmative, then it is safe to move forward. However, if I have no peace with my answers, and am convicted I could be seeing this through flesh-filled eyes, then it is best to delay a confrontation until I am able to see the situation through God's eyes--with everyone's best interest at heart.
Will the confrontation be one with healing in mind? with reconciliation? with restoration? If so, then am I willing to heal, reconcile, and restore another? Or should they disagree with my assessments, will it spark anger, dredge up previously unresolved grievances, and lead to my sinning against God? If it is the latter, I must sit back and rethink my purpose for confronting another. I need to so bathe my situation with prayer that there is absolutely no questioning Who is at work to help right the situation.
Can you forgive the transgression before you meet with them? Are you confronting with love? Can you speak with gentleness, concern, kindness and without condemnation? Can you do this with a humble heart, a controlled Spirit, yet a boldness resting upon truth and consideration for all concerned? Then drench your meeting in prayer and pray for the Holy Spirit to move ahead and prepare the heart of all concerned.
A word of caution in confrontation: If you see a lull in the conversation, be vigilant to deny satan access with an impulsive answer, question, or corrective advice. Don't let him wiggle his way into the conversation because you don't wait upon the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. This is a good time to pray for God to work within the situation and heal and give you more words to bring this about. selahV