I was standing in a Christian counseling center today and noticed a rack which held a group of flyers on various topics. One in particular grabbed my attention: Wrong Thinking That Causes Us Problems. I couldn't help but be reminded of the scripture: "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7.
As I looked at the flyer, I considered the "wrongful thinking" that might be causing me problems. I took the flyer with me and thought I'd write a series of posts on the points it made. You may or may not have problems with your kind of thinking. Your heart may be so pure that your mind thinks nothing but positive thoughts all day long.
However, some folk think everything is black or white and there are no areas of gray. According to the flyer, that is an absolutist position. "An all or nothing", my way or the highway, mindset. And that kind of thinking can cause a person problems.
I can see how a person who thinks this way could have a few problems. Let's face it. A man is not an island unto himself. We live, unless we are hermits on a mountaintop, with other people. Not every person we live with will share our view of life--some folk will buck our norm. Some folk will cross our lines.
When a person thinks things must follow a specific plan, and things must fit into a particular mold or schedule, and then something plucks a feather out of their bluebird of happiness, the absolutist goes a bit nuts. Often they are prone to anger. They cannot deal with something that bucks their idea of norm or perfection. Absolutists think things need to conform to their demands. They have an idea of how things ought to happen, and when confronted with circumstances contrary to their thinking, their comfort zone is threatened. Emotionally, they become stressed, which leads to irritability, and eventually anger. If left unchecked, a person will be miserable. Very often miserable people make others miserable. After all, whose life falls in line with exactly as one wants or believes it should? Sooner or later, a burr gets lodged beneath your saddle, or a fly gets stuck in your ointment. A baby cries, a husband is late for dinner, a clerk ignores you, or a waitress moves too slow. Anger simmers, then boils over. Tempers flare, and explosive thinking becomes explosive actions.
What can an all-or-nothing person do in situations such as these? The best thing they can do is change their way of thinking. Unfortunately, that may take a bit of time. Habits die hard. Do you know someone who thinks like this? Be patient, be tolerant. Ask God to give you a merciful heart, full of grace for them.
Do you ever think like this? Let God know you need Him to help you deal with your unreachable expectations. Examine the areas in life where you are most demanding, in which you are most vulnerable to stress. Be patient with yourself, too. Ask God to give you insight to accept life as it is, to show mercy toward others who do not fall within your lines of conformity and demands. Rely on Jesus to fill the gaps of your disappointment. Then trust Him to give you peace to live with yourself and others. selahV
