There are times in my life my heart is torn open to allow the gray areas of grace to fill all the undefined spaces. I stop struggling to see it all, comprehend it all, or be anything more than I can be. I do not understand a lot of things about God. Nor do I presume to be nearer to His heart than anyone I know. Sometimes I see the darker parts of me--I stand beneath the lighted sky hoping to see untouched vibrant colors to illumine my understanding of how to be a rainbow of hope to others. I think I have an answer, only to discover my snapshot of life, of people, is but a shadow of all the discernment I'd thought I'd seen.
Last week, as the ice began to melt from our winter storm, I took this picture of my pecan trees in the backyard. I didn't take it with black and white film--nor did I do a photo-shop reverse to have it appear as it does. I actually was amazed when I downloaded (or uploaded--I never can remember which is which), the picture to my computer and saw how black and white it seemed to be. Then, as I decided to show you what I saw, I realized what I'd seen so clearly as black and white was not but hues upon the color wheel much closer to gray and charcoal.
That's kind of how I feel right now. I feel like I am in a world of gray areas. None clear enough to be understood--no matter how much light I try to bring into my mind's room as I cry out to the Lord. Nor are any black enough to define what is or isn't. I'm not a photographer at all. I like to toy with pictures and simply take photos of what I like to see and think I can use for a blogpost or article. Many times I do not know how I'll use a photo that I like till much later when I peruse my cache. I don't really know how a person could change this particular picture to make it whiter, or any clearer. I don't understand saturation and all that stuff. But I wouldn't want to toy with this picture to make it brighter or darker. I find it amazingly calming--like the grace that covers even the gray areas of my life and soul that will someday see through the clouded glass with perfect clarity. What I see and feel within this picture may not be at all what you see or feel. But then, how could it? You aren't me, and I'm not you. We each are our own special color in the landscape of life that God is painting. Today...paint me gray and choose your own saturation level of color for my heart. selahV
