When my daughter first got married, I sat down and wrote out a slew of recipes so she would know how to make my spaghetti sauce, beef stew, stuffed porkchops and various other dishes. Through the years, when my daughter was cooking, she'd call and ask how long to cook something, if a certain dish could be frozen, etcetera. My daughter rarely calls me anymore about cooking. She's learned how, and is one of the best cooks I know. Now she makes her sauce, stew, and chops.
As her mother, I often wonder how many of my habits I've passed on to my daughter. Some of the areas I consider weaknesses in myself, I've watched her develop into strengths. She is an organizer, administrator, take charge kinda person. I'm a spur of the moment, creative, let things flow kind of person. She confronts; I encourage. She expects; I accept. Is this a direct result of her methodically and determinedly seeking to be different, or do we simply have gifts that lead us to react differently in the same set of circumstances? How much is innate and how much is learned behavior?
I'm reading an interesting book, FAMILIES OF THE BIBLE: How They Coped with Today's Problems. The very first chapter touches on families "repeating patterns" and passing along traits to their children through behavior they learn by simply growing up in the household. Co-authors, Howard Hovde and Louis Moore write:
"Many couples duplicate patterns their parents establish....The family in which we were reared left deeper impressions on us than we probably realize--how we feel about ourselves, how we view the world, how we relate to our spouses, what we think of money, how we feel about others."
This comes as no surprise to me. I have fought off many of the patterns I carried into my life from my parents. I also developed patterns of my own which I tried to keep my children from adopting. Nevertheless, there are some things that cling like stick-tights and it may take years to break the habits or destroy patterns our children pick up. My daughter took into her marriage some facts: her father helped her mother with many household chores. She married a man whose mother did all the housekeeping and cooking. These were patterns from their families that challenged their marriage. They had to work through them. I like what the authors said about that:
"From 16 to 25 years of observing and experiencing how to relate doesn't automatically stop at the altar. The system that has developed in the home is strong; the momentum to continue it is powerful."
How about you? What areas of your family life do you see your children adopting? What habits of yours do you hope they will adopt? What patterns have you passed on?
In the next few posts I plan to offer a sampling of what Hovde and Moore have served to us in their book. There are "Families Of The Bible" which speak to the problems we have today. There are still things we can learn from these families--their mistakes, their patterns, their actions. Perhaps we wil learn something new about "How They Coped with Today's Problems". Ya think? selahV
