Motherhood has been one of the singlemost joys of my life. I so wish I'd had the support of someone older than me in the early stages of my mothering years. Someone to encourage and mentor me, someone like Dorothy Patterson. But I didn't. I didn't even have the support of a church because I was lost. Looking back, I wonder how I managed at all. It's a miracle my children survived. (If I told you all the stories, you'd be amazed at the Sovereignty of God in this lost person's life.) One thing is sure, I wouldn't have won the Virtuous Woman Award. Nor would I have come close to having my children rise up to call me "Blessed".
Today I so admire the ladies who choose motherhood as their career. My daughter is one of those ladies. I've written about her before. She is a stay-home mom, and believes strongly that a wife and mother is her highest calling. She is a mother of five children. Through the years she's discovered several things she wishes she'd done differently with her older ones. But we've all been there. Right now, she plans to homeschool her two little girls, Haylee Jae and Kinsey. A daunting task to be sure. This brings me to what Dorothy Patterson said that ripped into my heart. In Dr. Patterson's book, "Where's Mom?", she wrote:
"Too many women rush headlong into a career outside the home, determined to waste no time or effort on housework or baby-sitting but rather seeking to achieve a position and means by directing all talents and energies toward professional pursuits, which society deems more important and fulfilling."
That was me. Though I had no real career in mind, in the early seventies, I bought into the lies of feminism that said women who stayed home with their children were bon-bon popping, soap-opera junkies who contribute nothing to society. Women like me were considered substandard to women of education. Ignorant. Our husbands who worked hard all day to provide for us were considered men who demeaned women and their value by not allowing them to live up to their full potential. In my particular case, I had women in my life who had careers who literally told me I should be working to help ease my husband's burden. After all, how could I ever expect to get "ahead", i.e. bigger house, fancier cars, more things?
If I'd only seen this in the Ladies Home Journal in 1973:
"Many perfect jobs may indeed come and go during a woman's childrearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again--the job of rearing your own children and allowing them what has become the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home under the direct and constant supervision of their own mother."
But I didn't see that in the magazines back then. Deep in my heart I felt I was trading off the best for the least, but reinforcement for my inner thoughts was not there--and I'm sad to say, that today there isn't much there either for other women like my daughter and my 22 year-old granddaughter. I cannot begin to tell you how much I wish I'd had someone like Dorothy Patterson in my life in the late sixties and seventies. I gave up a great deal with my children in those early years. A couple of mediocre jobs that did not do much more than buy a few temporary baubles, I traded in for the role of a lifetime.
I'm fortunate and blessed that after I became a Christian, the Lord returned to me the years the locust had eaten. He forgave me of my selfish, self-centered Me-isms, and fed me upon his Word. He gave me solid examples of virtuous women who nurtured their children and lived a life in accordance to Proverbs 31. I discovered books that helped me become a better helpmate to my husband. By no stretch of the imagination did I arrive at the pinnacle of Proverbs 31, but I was better.
Today, Dr. Patterson's words cut freshly into the heart of the mother and grandmother I have become. I am blessed to be able to undergird my daughter in her responsibilities as mother and wife. I think it is a really good thing that I can reinforce the nurturing and instructions she gives her children. As I sat and held HayJae today and she cuddled in my lap and we talked about Elijah and how many times the "man with sores washed himself in the river", I realized afresh that when my daughter needs to run errands, I make a loving trustworthy surrogate. When I massaged her little feet and she said, "I like that, Grama," I knew I liked it, too.
I am not all that concerned with the long-desired leisure I'd once envisioned for my senior years. I had many dreams yet unfulfilled. And though there are times I ponder the writing career I've always put on the back burner, I am gratified in knowing I can help teach my grandchildren how to boil eggs on the front burner. I revel in the memories made when we take nature walks and I explain the difference between deer tracks and racoons. I take seriously the challenge to be a godly mother even though I am a grandmother. I want my daughter to be to her children's children what I am to hers. I want my example to be so virtuous that when I am gone, my grandchildren will rise up and call me blessed and my daughter will agree. selahV
[copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2008]
