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May 08, 2014

The Ninth Year

JustRoses2014How? 

How in the world has it been nine years?

As I clipped the dozens of roses to make the ninth-year blanket for his grave, I could barely believe it had been this long since he died. 

But, it has.

I've managed to fill the days and weeks and months with various things and went on living.  His beautiful little girls have grown up to be lovely teenagers.  His eldest daughter just got her first job.  And I worry about her.  She's so lovely.  I worry about all the things I do believe Chad would have worried about had he lived to watch them grow up.

Abby plays his trumpet now.  She's doing very well in middle-school band-- so well that her teacher said if she keeps it up, she'll be in the high school band.  Same thing happened to her dad.  He could have gotten a scholarship to college.  Sigh.  so many memories. 

He'd be so proud of his beautiful girls.  Brooklyn sings in the church worship band.  She teaches kids about Jesus.

They both love life, people, and God.  They miss him.  Still.

As do I.  Life goes on.  But it is not the same.  It never will be.  I miss his laughter and jokes and funny stories.  I miss his long thoughtful, introspective conversations about life and living.  I miss hanging out with him.  I miss all of him.  And no, life is not fair.  It's not fair at all. 

 

Posted by on May 08, 2014 at 01:03 AM in SPECIAL DATES |

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A Few Words About Me

  • Why I write here:
    I needed a place to share the feelings and thoughts that come to my mind from time to time about losing my son. I hope that by my words someone may find comfort in their own journey with loss. I cannot say I understand your loss, for I have not lost the person you have. I have lost my son. The void in my heart will remain till I see him again. But God has been so faithful in giving me the grace to live, to love, and to find joy in precious memories. hariette petersen

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DAILY IMPACT Devotionals

  • TERRORS OF THE NIGHT
    It doesn't have to be a monster at your door keeping you awake. It doesn't have to be a thief with a gun. It doesn't have to be an approaching tornado, or a rising river. It doesn't even have to be an attack on your heart, nor a life-threatening disease. Terrors in the night are anything that robs you of peace. They may waken you with a dream. Like a thunder crash or lightning flash. They chase your thoughts from place to place and whisper words of accusation. They keep sleep in a chokehold and will not let you rest. They remind you of your failings. They taunt you with doubt and offer futility and hopelessness with situations you are facing. Terrors in the night. They are real. Yet... "You shall not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor of the arrow ( the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday." Psalm 91:5,6. "You shall not be afraid." Why? "Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place." Ps. 91:9 I have a little secret that helps me get back to sleep in the midst of a dark night of demonic attack and oppression. Whenever that happens to me, and I am not a stranger to the realms of darkness enveloping my mind and trying to crush my spirit, I go to the Word. Literally. I take my Bible and I lay it upon my chest and pray. I cling to the Word and all the promises within it that may not even be clear in my mind. I begin to pray for others who have difficulties. I pray for missionaries in foreign lands who face incredible dangers. I pray for pastors under attack. I pray for battered wives, and bereaved mothers. I pray for anyone and everyone the Lord calls to my mind. For He has given His angels charge over me to accomplish and defend and preserve me in all my ways of obedience and service. (Ps.91:11) I feel the pleasant pressure of my Bible against my heart and know that God is all-sufficient to meet my needs and those of ones I love and have committed unto His care. And then I sleep. selahV [copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2008]
  • FEARLESS CONFIDENCE
    ~~~~~~~~~~ Discouragement sits on every corner. It lurks in the shadows of joy, waiting for the opportune time to jump out of the darkness and wipe out all the goodness in a moment's achievement, success, or blessing. It's sole purpose is to impede forward progress. It is born of negative thinking and leads to apathy and uselessness. Many times discouragement is carried into the rooms of our hearts by friends who linger too long at the well of negativity. But we need to take heart and not allow it to attach itself to our lives and destroy our confidence, hope, and faith. "Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward." Hebrews 10:35 Our confidence can be thwarted and our courage quelled when we allow the stones of discouragement and arrows of despair to penetrate the armor of God. We must hold fast and cling to our fearless confidence in the Redeemer and Protector of our faith. He sits on His throne and His enemies are His footstool. Nothing can harm us, nor override His plan for our lives when we rest in His presence and power. selahV [copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2008]
  • WHEN OTHERS HURT
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It seems there are many many folks who are either hurting or know someone who is hurting. And for all the wisdom, resources and desire we have, we cannot do a thing about the hurting. We sit in our worlds and ponder our usefulness. We contemplate the call of believers to reach out to brothers and sisters who need us. We long to make the difference in their lives and know we cannot. We feel an emptiness that contradicts the hope in our minds. Yet, we cling to the faith within us that we will persevere, and those we love will endure. Then we pray without ceasing for the needs in our lives and recall the promises of God. In the difficulty of the day, we wrestle with principalities and realms of darkness and implore the Lord for assistance. We seek our Lord on our knees in brokenness and shame, we raise our voices in wordless prayer. Our Spirit makes intercession for us. Then we commit ourselves and our concerns to Him once again. "For I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day." Pause and think about it. I believe God brings us to these desert times to remind us of our only need--HIM. Our rest is in Him. Our hope is in Him. Our love is in Him. Our future is in Him. Our provision is in Him. And He will keep all that I commit to Him any time I bring it to Him. And He will fill up my soul with His refreshment and grant me His peace which the world cannot give. Grace, grace, marvelous grace; a grace that is greater than all my sin. Sufficient is our Lord. selahV [copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2008]
  • WILL YOU PRAY THIS PRAYER FOR ME?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    “For this reason we also from the day we heard of it, have not ceased to pray and make [special request] for you, [asking] that you may be filled with the full (deep and clear) knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom [in comprehensive insight into the ways and purposes of God] and in understanding and discernment of spiritual things— that you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please HIm in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition]. [We pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of His glory, [to exercise] every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy, Giving thanks to the Father….” Colossians 1:9-12a. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know someone was praying like that for you? For your loved ones? For your church members? For your pastor? What a wonderful way to pray! Shall we start today? selahV ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  • HOW ARE YOU KNOWN?
    Today there are folks who know you. They only know you by what you write, how you act and interact with others. They only know you by your words, your behavior–your reputation. What do they know? How are you known? When I read the passage below from Romans, I paused and thought about what Paul is saying: “First, I thank God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because [the report of] your faith is made known to all the world and is commended everywhere.” Romans 1:8. Wouldn’t it be the most amazing thing to have someone commend you in this way? To have such a faith that the report of it honors your Lord all over the world? When you write, do you think of this? When you talk to others, do you keep this in mind? When you begin your week, do you even consider how you are known to all the world–or your portion of it? These are questions we might all ponder today. selahV
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