...AND I SHOULD HAVE.
A need was shared in our Sunday School Department. I felt a tug at my heartstrings. Was God leading me to volunteer? I wasn't sure. I had the time. It wasn't going to cost me anything monetarily. I was capable. It wouldn't make my back problem worse. So I went to my friend and told her I was interested in helping her in the prison ministry. I came home and shared my plan with my husband. Our church just voted to have one of our men that is ministering there to baptize 14 of the prisoners. The worship and Bible classes were rapidly growing. For a long time, I've had the interest in prison ministry. I had to have a background check. I went through the various hoops and last week I went to observe for the first time. It was inspiring. I really liked it. My heart went out to the men who shared how Christ was working in their lives. They shared what they were learning by studying their workbooks during the week. I could see myself working there every week.
Yet, something didn't quite fit. It was like a piece of a puzzle that seemed like it should go into a particular spot, but when placed in the space, it simply wouldn't fit. I had this nagging feeling I couldn't shake. The chaplain told me that some of the men in there were first degree premeditated murderers. That didn't bother me. When I looked at them, I just saw people. People in need. What was bothering me? As I readied to leave, one of the inmates asked if I was going to be back again. I told him I wasn't sure yet. He encouraged me to come back.
That night I discussed it with my husband. He listened with interest as I shared. And it was odd. He seemed to be holding back some thought, some advice. Finally I said, "You know. I wonder if most pastors would be excited about their wives doing prison ministries." I rambled on and on about the pros and cons of the ministry. I tried to weigh it all and try and figure out what bothered me about it all. Then it hit me. I asked Bob, "How about you? How do you really feel about me doing this? Would you worry about me?" He said, "It won't make me feel good. There's no telling what could happen, honey." We discussed how some men from our Sunday School department were held prisoner a year or so ago. One was a dentist. But that was in a different situation. Not men studying the Bible.
"Would you rather I didn't do this?" He didn't answer. Then I said, "I know you'd let me do anything I wanted to. But I think you'd rather I didn't do this. And after all, I never asked you before I volunteered. In fact, I acted as if I was a single woman without a care in the world and no one to answer to. I'm sorry." The doubt I'd had was lifted...peace filled my heart. I knew then I wasn't suppose to do it. Before I consider any ministry, I need to remember how my husband fits into the equation--his needs, his emotions, his views.
I still have an incredible burden for those prisoners I met. I am guessing that burden will urge me to pray more ferverently for them and for my friend, Billie's ministry. She is a single 70-plus go-getter lady. I admire her so much. And I'm sure my admiration for her had something to do with wanting to be a part of what she was doing to lead men to Christ. One of the groups of men within the 69 that go to the Bible study each week are working on Evangelism Explosion. They want to win their prison city for Christ. The prison houses over 2,000 inmates. Many are there for life. What a blessing they can be in their world. They may be locked away from the world and have lost their freedom from society--but they can still have freedom in Christ.
For me? God has a place for me in His plan. But first and foremost I need to submit to my husband and allow him to direct me as Christ would the church. After all, he loves me that much. selahV
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