What was I doing when I first thought a feminine thought?
My earliest memory of my feminity goes back to my Uncle Jimmy. "Fancy pants!" he called me when I twirled around on the porch planks at my grandmother's house. I believe I was three. That's what I remember~~twirling around in my Sunday dress and ruffled pants.
Raised with a house full of boys, uncles and male cousins gave me ample opportunity to discover I was different. I felt protected in a sense. I was left out of many games and adventures. I never desired to do the things they did--just to be with them as they did what they did. Treasure hunts in junkyards. Swinging on vines across creekbeds. Hide and seek in cornfields. Climbing trees and riding bikes. I followed along.
But none of those things scream feminity. No. When I most think of the feminine side of me is when I remember solitary times. Times I walked the creekbeds in search of mystery plantlife. I think of sitting in the cherry tree picking cherries and savoring the sweetness as they popped in my mouth. I think of my mother's nine-patch quilt I'd sneak out of the house to have a picnic beneath the apple tree. I see myself lying there staring at the sky above me, watching clouds change shapes. I smell strawberries from the patch and delight in wonder at the bees that buzz about, the butterflies that flutter from bloom to bloom. I feel at peace.
Most of all, I remember long dresses. They tickled my ankles and got caught in the breeze. I remember their encumbering presence when I tried to climb ladders to get to the hayloft. But they were so handy when I gathered Queen-Anne's Lace, violets and wild daisies. They made perfect cradles for collecting my arrangements.
Dresses. They were so lovely and I felt lovely wearing them.
I remember embroidering my first pillowcase~~the accomplishment, the pride. I recall writing in journals~~the depth of my heart, the dreams of my future.
Leisure moments. Solitude. Quiet hours of musing. That is feminity at it's finest. And it never grows old with time. selahV
[copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2007]
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