Sometimes it is not acceptable in the eyes of those you seek to encourage.
Sometimes it does not help.
Sometimes it is more than anyone wants.
Sometimes it is not worth the time or energy you use to try.
However, when your heart is in the right place and you do what you do with the most sincere motives, then you can lay your head upon your pillow and rest in peace.
Depression is a disease. It is as much a disease to the thinking system as cancer is to the cells of the body. What cancer cells eat, depression steals from the inner peace of a person's ability to think and reason and feel.
I've had depression my entire life. I know this because, after being treated for years as an adult, and researching the ins and outs of symptoms, I was able to trace it back to my childhood. Certainly a part of depression is environmental, situational, and is affected by relationships. But there is a definite connection between the chemicals in ones brain that create havoc with the inner strength of ones thought processes. And as a man thinketh, so is he.
So much of what we think comes from what we put into our minds. Positive reinforcements. Joyful occasions. Goodness. However, to a deeply depressed person, even joyful occasions have no joy. All the goodness in the world has no good. And all the positive input has no influence. To the person who does not suffer with this disease, it is unfathomable. It is incomprehensible. It is a bit foolish, and weak. At times the healthier person who tries to help, cannot help and cannot fix the weaker and so they transfer their own helplessness and frustration onto the person who deals with enough self-deprecation to kill twenty healthy-minded individuals.
Depressed people cannot undo what is. They can no more change it than a person with cancer or diabetes can change their ailment. They can be treated. They can learn to deal with it. They can learn what affects them negatively and try to avoid the diet, outside influences, and darkness that draws them into a deeper abyss. But they cannot fix it. Cancer can be cut out, burned out, and chemically destroyed. But not always successfully--sometimes it kills you. Depression can be aided, but cannot be removed... it can be lessened but will always remain...and sometimes it, too, kills.
The real problem with the disease is doctors keep throwing more and more drugs at you and it always ends up that the problem is YOU... and your family and friends treat you as if you are a weird wart in their lives... they tolerate your sadness, and only a few people in life actually "get it" that you cannot change what is going on no matter how hard you try. Depressed folks are trusting God for the very breath they take to make it to the next breath. But others do not see depressed people in this way. They tell folks to buck up, to get over it, and to stop thinking the way they think as if a person can unthink cancer of the lung.
God be with the Warrens and all the other parents and friends and families of the Matthew Warrens in life. I know it will be a very sad sad journey for the Warrens. But they will find comfort in knowing their son is finally free of all his anguish and pain and struggle. The hardest part is missing the dear son they love so much. Life will always have a hole in it which can only be filled by the presence of God. And even then, it will not seem to be enough to satisfy the hunger in their hearts to see their son, to touch him, to hear his voice and absorb his presence. selahV
...for some reason I was drawn to a story that led me to see something inside a person's thought process that touched a chord of sadness.
When I opened an email story by Moe Lane that dumb-downed the suicide of a reportedly brilliant young man, it peaked my interest. WHO is Aaron Swartz?
As much as I try to stay abreast of current news, I'd never heard of this young man. His career moves and contributions to the internet are far more than impressive. If not for him, this very blogpost would not be circulating the globe. He basically wrote the program and put together the cyber-optic jigsaw puzzle that allows we bloggers to connect to one another and send our stupid, or ingenius, or mundane, or informative, or goofy, or inspirational thoughts throughout the entire World Wide Web. RSS. Check it out if you do not know what it means. For years I did not know. Even now that I know, I do not know. It's all as baffling to me as downloading apps on a smart-phone which is why I still own a dumb-phone. All technology intimidates me. Yet, it is that very technology that allowed me to discover the story of Aaron Swartz-- a twenty-six-year-old man (so young), who took his own life to escape the very world, and life, he helped create. And if not for Erick Erickson and his blogging on RED STATE (and my email subscription that I may or may not read), I wouldn't have know about Moe Lang who opined, without regret, about The New Yorker's post regarding the spoiled brat (my take on Moe's conclusions), who hung himself in his room.
Senseless.
I excerpted this tiny bit of Larissa MacFarquhar's commentary about Aaron Swartz, a portion of Aaron's 2005 journaled thoughts on a pad of paper:
"Most people, it seems, stretch the truth to make
themselves seem more impressive. I, it seems, stretch the truth to make
myself look worse. At CodeCon the other day, all sorts of people asked
me what I was working on these days. I could have said “I’ve been put in
charge of Roosevelt Labs, a center to write cool software with
political implications.” Or I could have said “I’m writing a book about
how the world really works.” But instead I say, “Oh, nothing, just
focusing on schoolwork.” . . . The other night, when [redacted] asked me
why I switched from computer science to sociology, I said it was
because Computer Science was hard and I wasn’t really good at it, which
really isn’t true at all. The real reason is because I want to save the
world. Maybe I didn’t say that because it sounds sort of crazy. (2005)" from Aaron's journals.
This tiny bit of words is a snapshot into the working mind of a man/boy who needed help to understand his worth. So much more than the outside parameters of his accomplishments. While the world took and absorbed his brilliance, it gave nothing back to assure him that he was important, his humanity, his presence. All that mattered--it seems-- is what he knew and what he could give and provide the world at large. I wish I'd known about Aaron's blog before I discovered he will be silenced forever. It seems he was truly starved to know, know who he was and why he was given such a task of helping the world connect to itself. Such irony that in that endeavor, he'd become the very nemesis of his life's work without truly finding peace and connecting at all.
"He didn’t think of his blog as published writing, exactly, nor was it a
private journal, since it was accessible to anyone. It was something in
between. He wrote about things in his blog that he didn’t tell his
friends—about his depressions, about his ulcerative colitis. It was not
clear who he imagined his readers to be. Once, a friend of his related
an anecdote that he’d published on his blog (involving a crush he’d had
on a girl) to a group of people; he was horrified and asked how the
friend could have revealed something so private."
Can you imagine? I write things here on my blog that people in China, Australia, India, and my neighboring town can readily read. Yet, the majority of my closest friends and family do not have a clue what my thoughts are or how the world effects my views. I dare say, my closest friends will not even know how this passing of poor Aaron has touched my life--OR, how it has awakened a sleeping muse in my soul. Spoiled or not as Moe Lane views him, Aaron was a man who needed more meaning in his life than what his brain calculated, programmed and spit out for human consumption. He was a person: A man who never seemed to know he was made in the image of God, by all I've read thus far. Aaron didn't seem to know that Jesus came to earth over 2000 years ago to give HIS life on a cross so that Aaron, and people like him, could live eternally in the peace and sorrowless comfort of HIS grace. Perhaps, if Aaron had known, then these words would have held no bond upon his mind and soul:
"Even among my closest friends, I still feel like
something of an imposition, and the slightest shock, the slightest hint
that I’m correct, sends me scurrying back into my hole. (2007)" from Aaron's journal.
We, my friends, are not an "imposition" on life. We are here for a purpose. And even in death, there is a purpose we must recognize. There is more to life than what we have in the next second. Much much more. Life is an eternal thing. And to have the eternal life, we need a relationship with the Almighty God who carries us through to the doorway of forever. We need Jesus. We need to know that the inconveniences of this life are just that. Inconveniences. Annoyances. Disappointments. Failures are but stepping stones to make our way across the slippery divide to the One who is rock-solid. He is our success. He is our hope. Aaron was more than a blurb in Wikipedia; he wanted to help the world, and the world, as he understood it, would not let him. Had he only known Christ had already overcome the world, had already been victorious and had already "fixed" it all.
For a man so brilliant, surrounded by so many other brilliant people, this is almost inconceivable. Yet, it happens. Each and every day. In every avenue of life. From literate to illiterate. From poor to rich. From kind to unkind. Equally astonishing is the fact that a man so well-read, so connected to life and all information, could pass through this life without knowing or having been introduced to Jesus. Perhaps all he knew of Jesus was a swear word, or the liberal left's disdain. I do not know. But it does not appear that he met Him. That is the saddest part of this whole story. And, in a sense, I feel a bit responsible. I truly do. selahV
Every day there is another announcement or report of some impending disaster, some threatening situation that is certain to adversely affect us if we don't act now, if we don't change this or that. Rumors abound which are meant to hurt us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We are sent emails and tweets and read statuses that could freeze the blood in our veins if not for the comfort we have in the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY.
"He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD." Psalm 112:7
No matter what goes on around us, God is in control. No matter who tries to hurt us or destroy our joy, God lives within us. No matter who rejects us, God accepts us. No matter who hates us, God loves us. No matter who betrays us, God is faithful. No matter what changes come to us, God is steadfast and unchangeable. No matter what government is against us, God is for us. What shall we fear?
Over one half-century buzzed by while I barely noticed its passing. In that time I learned that not everything I thought necessary in life was necessary. It was a great, but hard lesson to learn.
From the time I was a tiny child I felt a huge responsibility to fix life. My life was a shambles as far back as I can remember. Perhaps that's why the major part of my attention focused on fixing things around me. I wasted a lot of time, a lot of money, and squandered a lot of energy. Rarely did I ever feel the way I do now.
Contented. Satisfied. Resolved. That's not to say I never feel discontentment or dissatisfaction. Nor does it mean I never find myself in a dither over the mundane, the minutiae and the impossible. However, life has settled down like the bottom of a country pond following a Spring storm.
Throughout my 64 plus years, I've seen dreams fade and watched plans explode in my face. For many folks these things might create a mountain too high to climb, a river too wide to cross. There are places I no longer long to see, and things I no longer yearn to do. The past really cannot be undone. The present really is all I have. Tomorrow is merely an illusion...in fact, so is the next hour. If I allow myself to dwell on what ifs, what may happen, or what hasn't, then I lose the gift of the moment, the joy of the present, and the blessing that becomes the memory to savor in days of emptiness, and trivial inconveniences.
The truth is, disappointment can only rob us of happiness if we allow it. We choose to live in the soil of our own thoughts, emotions and resignations. We choose to feed those thoughts or weed them-- dining on the positive, spitting out the negative. Life really isn't all about me. Life, by its very definition, includes the world around me. It can shape me, or I can shape it. Ultimately, it is what it is-- a mixture of both shaping and being shaped.
So many things need doing in life. Sometimes it seems overwhelming.
It's in those times I find I must step back and recognize that not
everything needs my input, my imprint, or my energy. Not everyone needs my opinion. In fact, most
things can be accomplished by others, and if not, then sometimes they
simply do not need to be done at all. Regret does nothing to change yesterday, nor anything to impact tomorrow. To seize the day, we must first seize the moment; to do that, we must take every thought into captivity and let it be the fuel to power us forward--not backwards. Otherwise we simply sit still in the midst of our self-made sinkholes.
for life, do you resign yourself to mediocrity? to the blah, ho-hum, apathetic attitude of who cares?
of course not.
When we find ourselves sitting in park, we need to rev up our engines, check the rearview, the side mirrors, and adjust our seats. We need to either back up and start over or put our lives in drive and move!
LiFe lives; it does not sit in neutral.
I find my zeal and enthusiasm wanes when I do nothing. When I sit around and look at all I have not done, and dwell on what I should have done, then the air goes out of my balloon. The flowers wilt. The lights dim. The shadows get darker. It's easy to fall into that trap of complacency. Especially after a month of frivolity, of planning for a big event, of great expectations. When the day of celebration is over, life has to go on. It has to get back to normal, or what we consider a typical routine. And sometimes, after a season of dismissing routine, we find ourselves yearning to live on the edge of expectation, of excitement, of finding something new beneath the tree or around the corner. We are ready for change and don't even know it. We want to take down the tree, bring back the familiar things we are comfortable with seeing. However, that does not satisfy that inner desire for freshness.
We want that zest, that energy, that anticipation to be restored, to linger, to feed our emotional needs. Little do we realize that it is our mind and spirit that needs to be energized. We need new batteries. Fresh flowers. Warmer, sunnier weather. And no, it is not a vacation we need--though one might be in order if we fail to give our bodies any rest. So, what do we do?
Plan. Plan the garden. Plan a pergola. Plan a day trip to the nursery. Plan an afternoon in the mountains (easy to do here in Lawton, we have Mt. Scott and Medicine Park just 20 minutes away). Go sit by a lazy river and watch the barge flow by. Go visit the zoo or aquarium. Head for the biggest florist shop in town. Go breathe life. Bring home some plants or start some hyacinths in a bowl. Take some pictures. Buy a jigsaw puzzle of flowers and beautiful things. Peel and orange and read a new book. Paint a picture. Make something--anything...just don't sit there in neutral. Go visit some shut-ins with a box of your Christmas photos. If nothing else, go buy a box of "Thinking of You cards" and send them to everyone you think may need a bit more zest in their life today. ~hariette petersen
Photo provided by Vicky Doran, my new Pinterest Pal. Visit her today HERE at DAY BRIGHTNERS.
No. We all mess up. We are not perfect. We fail at times. We get our priorities all out of whack and wake up and find we need to back track and correct some things. When NASA launched our astronauts into space and pointed them towards the moon, they were not left on their own. There were constant corrections to the flight pattern in order to keep it on course and allow them to reach their destination. Such is our life.
As Believers in Christ, we have a final destination and that destination is to be with God forever. We, too, must make corrections in our lives, in our attitudes, our actions, and habits. When we stumble down and fall down, we need to get up and remember what caused us to trip. We need to repent and move on in the right direction. We need to reset our course from where we were when we first became a Christian. We need to be better mothers, fathers, wives and husbands. We need to be better examples of our faith and truer ambassadors for the One who saved us from our sin.
Is there some word you said yesterday in the heat of a moment? Is there some attitude you fostered, some grievance against someone you have not forgiven? Is there some activity you have allowed to take you away from God's perfect plan and purpose for your life?
“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works
you did at first..." ~Revelation 2:5a
Notice it does not say to "remember from where you have fallen" and then wallow in a sea of regret and remorse. It says to repent. Change directions. Turn around. Resist any temptation to remain where you are and continue in that sin of apathy, of disloyalty, of whatever sin you are committing. Instead, do what God intends for you to do. Love Him, love others and love yourself. Live justly, mercifully, and humbly. Do what He's called you to do, then rest in Him and His grace to see you through another day. selahV
I resolve to pray according to Colossians 1:9-14 for my friends, family and especially my grandchildren this year.
May God fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. May you live a life worthy of the Lord that you may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work.
I pray that your life will make a contribution to the lives of those around you. May you influence others by your words and actions in ways that bring glory to your Lord. May honesty and integrity and faithfulness to God be your guidelines for interacting with others. I pray that you show patience, kindness and self-control with those closest to you and to strangers you meet. May you always extend mercy because mercy is what God extends to you each moment of each day.
I pray you grow in the knowledge of God, and are strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience. May you joyfully give thanks to the Father. God has done so much for you. He has qualified us to share in blessings and goodness forever and ever. He has set you apart for a specific plan and purpose. May you hear his voice and trust him and follow his instructions that you may experience every blessing and remain in his will throughout your life.
May God bring people in your life that will strengthen your faith and increase your love for Christ. May God watch over you and protect you from harm and temptation. God has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,
in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. May you live each day with this ever present in your mind, heart, spirit and soul.
May this prayer be my guide this year, in word and deed, in spirit, and thought. Amen. selahV
As 2012 fades and makes way for 2013, I think how blessed I am to have lived another year and look forward to the opportunity to celebrate a new one. Each day is a gift, each moment. Even the moments I wish I could have left unwrapped, those are gifts, too. They built faith; they taught tolerance. They strengthened.
I ended my love affair with space and collections and many expectations. I made room in my mind for less of life's clutter and more of life's simplicity. I replaced tangibles with intangibles. I witnessed the restoration of relationships... such a good thing. I
experienced the joy of meeting new people. Was blessed again and again
by old friends, family and God.
Today I find myself enjoying more of the simple things in life. A giggle, a hug, a smile, a walk in the woods, the memory of a family celebration. First tooth loss, first home purchase, engagement, new jobs, first band concert.
As I look back on 2012, there are some conversations I regret. Yet, many conversations I memorized and locked inside my heart. It's okay to let go of some things in life. It's okay to end things. Every ending gives birth to a beginning-- beginnings that are not always comfortable, familiar, or typical of yesterday. Every sunset falls asleep in the arms of God to awaken to the sunrise of a new day. The darkness of every new moon grows into the light of a fresh full moon. We fill all the hours and days in between with the stuff life is made of... the sorrow, the love, the grief, the joy. Amid the disappointments and trials, we also find surprises, triumphs and victories, if...
...if we open the doors and look for them.
So, as you think about last year, do not dwell too long in moments which ended in regret or sadness. Close the door on them. Consider those moments you found beautiful, and those moments and hours filled with laughter, goodness and love. Savor those. They will carry you through all the stuff between each ending and lend you hope to begin again. selahV
The results of sin in this world bring death and destruction. We face trials and tribulations we do not want to face. We are met with evil on every side of us.
However...
God has prepared the Way for us to have far more than the difficulties. He gives, we who believe in and trust in His Son, the inheritance of the Prince of Peace.
Because of God's only Begotten Son, we will see and have so much more than we can possibly imagine or comprehend.
"But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the
heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." ~1 Corinthians 2:9
God will forgive us. He will forget that which we have done in rebellion against His holiness. He will have compassion upon us.
Can anyone comprehend such goodness?
We do not deserve the Grace and Mercy of God's love. But it is His character to love because HE IS LOVE... and He cannot deny who He is anymore than we can deny who we are. We are sinners. When we acknowledge our sinfulness, and turn from our wicked ways, and seek His face and ask forgiveness, God is faithful and just to forgive us. Then He, through Jesus Christ, will somehow make us righteous in the sight of our Creator and Lord. I don't know why, I don't know how; I cannot comprehend this mercy and grace. But I do accept it and will live in it all the days of my life. May Jesus be praised today and every day forward because:
"He will again have compassion on us; He will vanquish our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." ~Micah 7:19
"Ifwe confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." ~~1 John 1:9 Holman Christian Bible
emptiness claims our hearts, and sadness seeps into our souls. And what does our mind cling to? Our own emptiness, sadness and alone-ness. Our spirit withers and thirsts after an unquenchable need for companionship, touch, and laughter.
Ever feel lonely? No matter how
many people who surround you on a Sunday morning? You feel left out of
something--something intangible. You aren't unhappy with your life; you just feel
lonely and alone. If you try to describe what you are going through, no
one understands. When my husband resigned his church in Kentucky and
we moved to Oklahoma, I felt this loneliness. Even though I was
thrilled to be with my family, there was something missing. I missed
the fellowship of friends. I missed the familiarity of routine, of
places I frequented.
I've also had times of extreme loneliness when I am attacked by
someone for reasons I cannot understand. I search my mind for words and
conversations I've had. I retrace my steps and consider everything
I've done. When I come up with no answers, I feel very alone. I want
to reconcile and restore a relationship but do not know where to start.
A slight, an outright betrayal. There are times in life we all find
ourselves suffering, filled with sorrow for a situation we cannot
change. God understands this. Jesus understands it.
"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familar
with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces, he was
despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:3
Can you imagine having been fully in the presence of God Himself,
without a single person to interrupt your time with Him? Can you
comprehend sitting at your father's feet, sharing joy and dancing in
perfect union, with total harmony? It's hard to grasp, but I can
imagine how great it would be. It's what I long for. It's during my
lonely times I am reminded of how much Jesus gave up to come to earth to
provide me an eternal presence with Him. I am reminded how very lonely
He was among men. Who could He possibly turn to for understanding?
Who on earth could be the friend He needed to share the future that lay
ahead? Who could befriend Him, could listen and empathize? Who could
hear Him, and shoulder His burdens? Who could relate to the joys of His
past--the freedom from flesh, the comfort of perfection? Who could
possibly relate to the relationship He had with His Father in heaven?
Who could endure the ridicule and harassment he endured, and live with
it, without a friend on earth to turn to for encouragement? Who could
He trust with His heart? I dare say, no one.
I believe loneliness is part of the reason Jesus spent so much time
with the Father in prayer. He needed His strength, His empowerment, His
companionship. He sought it early...every morning. Why? Because there is no other companionship on
earth which could ever equal that of the Creator's. None. No other
relationship gives us enough of what we need to fill the void within us.
Loneliness has no standards or fundamental rules. When one is
lonely, he longs for companionship. Sometimes I think I need a person
to talk to, to email, to call, to have lunch with. Other times I need
more. Whenever I feel this great loneliness seep into my heart, I am
certain of one thing--I need Jesus. Only He can fill my empty spaces.
Sometimes He brings me a friend to talk to. Sometimes He gives me extra
attention from my husband or a family member. But I know it is Jesus
who fills this void completely.
I was still on God's mind. Even though my parents had never even given thought to my birth, my life.
If
we each could look at our lives and realize how much our Creator loved
us to spend time with every molecule of our being, we would know that
even though the world rejects us, people betray us, and life is not
always kind, that God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son
(Jesus), that whosoever believes in and relies upon Him for their
salvation, turns from their wicked ways, and accepts the forgiveness
that God liberally gives, then they will receive eternal life...and live
with Him forever and ever and ever.
Before I ever loved God, He loved me. and YOU.
Jesus came that we might have life and life more abundantly. When we are born, we each have the gift of life. But when we are told about Jesus and we accept that Jesus died for our sin, because He loved the Father and wanted to give us each the gift of grace and mercy and forgiveness and righteousness, then our lives are given new meaning... and we are filled with His Spirit. We can never be separated from the love of God. He walks with us, and guides us, and strengthens us, and provides for us, and teaches us, and we are never alone.
So much to be thankful for this season... this day... and every day the rest of our lives. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise the everlasting King of kings. Emmanuel-- God with us. selahV
I was just about ready to get up and go next door to check on the girls because their mommy had just left to run some errands when Kinsey popped through my door and asked if she could call her mommy. She'd found a brand new paint brush and wanted to use it. "What are you going to paint?" She hesitated.
"I don't know." I could tell the paint brush was one of the cheap craft-brushes so I was sure my daughter wouldn't mind if Kinsey used it. However, the question racing around in my mind was what did she plan on painting. Visions of her doll house, and walls streaked through my mind. I said, "But, Kinsey, I need to know what you are going to paint before I call your mommy." Kinsey looked frustrated and shrugged her shoulders, her eyes went back and forth like she was searching her mind for an answer.
"Haylee's painting," she reasoned. Uh oh. I thought they were in their rooms playing with Barbies. Definitely time to go next door and check out the action. I should have known they were too quiet.
"What is Haylee painting?"
"I don't know." My heart skipped a beat.
"Where is Haylee painting?"
"In the office." When we got to Mommy's office, my heart settled down. Haylee was painting gold hearts on paper. Whew...was I happy. Haylee showed me where they'd found the paint brushes and sure enough they were craft-brushes. They both asked if we'd call Mommy to see if it was okay to use the paint brush. I knew it was okay, but to relieve their minds, we called. Mommy said it was fine as long as they were in play clothes, "they know what not to wear". Haylee (who'd already been painting and dripped a few drops on their school desk), immediately started taking off her top. Kinsey stripped off her sweat pants. Now we're getting somewhere. I then suggested we go next door to my kitchen table. They were all for that. I got out some paper for painting acrylics. I pulled their hair back in ponytails, pinned back their bangs and got Haylee a paint shirt to wear (yes, I keep paint-shirts for such occasions). I poured various colored paints into an empty plastic egg carton and they began to paint. I went back to my writing.
"Haylee, my cross is ugly."
"No, it's not. It's the best cross I ever saw."
Thirty minutes later they brought their masterpieces to me to view.
I affirmed and extolled their work. I told Haylee what a nice job she did. I didn't mention it, but she'd obviously learned from the last lesson I gave her on filling in all the white space on the paper. She even made the grass two shades and made the blades growing up instead of across the page. She put her son behind the cross. I was impressed. Then Kinsey shared hers with me. She hadn't filled in the sky, nor had she remembered about the way the grass grew...but I didn't say a word. It seemed she had a bigger picture in mind as she interpreted the details of her painting:
"I put the light behind the cross. 'Cuz Jesus came alive after He was on it. And the Light is where Jesus is."
Simple truth. Simple Gospel. Don't you think? selahV
"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever
follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12
...mean more to me than big things. I don't know why. They just do. I've found my greatest pleasures in going through old photos of my kids and grandchildren... and thinking about a particular slice of life, a comical antic, a conversation, that could never be repeated with the same intensity, excitement or joy as the moment it first occurred.
A couple of weeks ago, my hubby and I pulled into our driveway after church and I spotted a huge tumbleweed on the
side of the road in the ditch. All the years I've lived in Oklahoma, it was the first one I'd ever seen. I'd seen bits and pieces of one...but none so big, so intact. I was flat out tickled. I was tempted to bring it in and hang it from the rafters (hubby's disinterest nixed that idea. I visualized a decorative arrangement of sorts, but wasn't about to share my vision. Instead, I explained I wanted to show it to the girls. He didn't seem the least bit impressed as he drove on down the gravel drive towards the house. I wasn't going to whine, I just opened the car door and hobbled on into the house. I poured a cup of coffee and was about to settle down into my recliner when in through the back door came my husband with the tumbleweed in his hand.
Delight filled my heart.
I could hardly wait till the girls got home; I was pretty certain they'd never seen a
bonafide tumbleweed. I couldn't have asked for a better day to set a tumbleweed
in motion. The north wind was blustering gusts at 20 to 30 mph in our
field.
When the girls arrived, I grabbed my camera to take photos of them holding it. I told them they were going to put it on
the ground to watch it.
"What's it gonna do?" Kinsey asked as she grabbed the tumbleweed.
"Wait, wait! I don't have my shoes on," Haylee complained. An early morning rain had saturated
the ground so when the girls walked out on the ground Haylee's shoeless
feet got soaked. They were giddy with excitement until Haylee got
irritated about her wet socks and cold feet. What seemed a great
idea for one, turned a bit sour for the other. I dare say, that's
about how life is on many occasions. Even the greatest event can sometimes be dampened by one thing or another. But, it doesn't have to destroy the experience.
Such was the case when those girls let that tumbleweed loose and watched it blow across the Oklahoma plains. When I took the last photo of the big release, we cheered (or maybe it was just me), then we watched it tumble over and over again into the field. They wondered how far it would go and mused about its final destination. I don't know if they will remember the day we released a tumbleweed, I doubt my husband knows how much it meant to me when he brought it through our
kitchen door. Within seconds the girls were off to play with their dolls, my husband to watch his football game-- our tumbleweed forgotten.
Such excitement rarely lingers more than a few moments in any given experience. For most folks, events are rarely big enough to conjure up memories in days ahead. I suppose this could never compare to the moment they learned to swim, the thrill of bungee jumping, or the first time they drive a car. Still, someday, another tumbleweed may blow into their lives as this one blew into mine. Perhaps they'll want their husband to get it so they can share it with their grandchildren. And maybe, just maybe, they'll discover the little things that meant so much to Grama, were not so little after all. selahV
Our hearts may ache for the loss of a loved one. We may agonize over the turmoil between us and another: a teenager who rebels, an adult child who strays, a husband who fails to meet our needs, a friend who struggles with faith.
We may be consumed with circumstances so far beyond our control that we cannot see any way out, nor any solution to our problems. We may be distressed, despairing, and desperate. And all we can do is cry. We fight it. We try to buck up and deal with things. We try to stuff it all behind us and let it go. We busy ourselves with as many menial and productive tasks that we can conjure up... just to keep from crying. Why?
Why not just let the floodgates open and let the tears flow?
Crying is a cleansing thing. God gave us tear ducts for a reason. He knew our hearts would fill with heartache. He knew our souls would scream with the pain of life. He knew our spirits would face tumult and frustration. He knew.
It's okay, my friends, to let go and let God take your hurt, your sadness, your stored despair, your disappointments and brokenness. It's okay. You can cry. You really can. selahV
I was posting and reading statuses on Facebook tonight when I got a private message from a lady I'd known several years ago when I owned a newspaper in Owensboro, KY. She reminded me of who she was and also shared that I had done a story on her niece when she was Kentucky's Teacher of the Year. My mind reeled. A decade-plus had flown by since then.
Beth Critchelow was a precious young teacher. She loved her students so much. She was full of enthusiasm and excitement. Her desires were that no child would ever fall through the cracks without learning what they needed to know to move forward in the educational system. She was one of those teachers you wanted your child to get every single year of they went to school. Suffice it to say, Beth touched my life.
Now, her aunt was asking that I pray for Beth's husband Jerry. He has lung and pancreas cancer. He is a veteran who lives in Hawesville, KY. They have the pancreas under control at the moment but he must begin chemo and treatment for his lungs. Would you join me in praying for this young 49-year-old vet?
Beth's aunt Jane asked me to share this prayer request with every Christian I know. So here I am. Coming to all of you. I have a soft spot in my heart for military men and women. I know they've sacrificed so much for us to be free. Today, all I am asking is that you'd give a little time...a few moments to lift Jerry in prayer that he might be free from the cancer that seeks to destroy him. Thanks so much.
Father, in Heaven, we honor You and give You praise for all You are. We know that we are but vapors in this world and our lives are in Your care. We know You are the Great Physician. We ask that You be with Jerry and Beth and their family in this time of dire need. Give him strength for this battle. Give his family comfort and peace. Let the treatments be successful that You may be glorified. Amen
You see things in yourself you do not like to see in others. You fail to be all you should be. You lose control. You say things you regret. You walk away from a situation and wonder why you are the way you are...how could you have stooped that low? You question your faithfulness. Your mind races like a white mouse in a mudhole; each thought splatters the other. Conviction claims your heart and nothing seems right anymore. You struggle to get back the person you were the moment before you lost control... before you stumbled and fell. But you cannot find that person for the fog of shame. You replay the moment. You cannot undo those seconds...those minutes. Your testimony for Christ is tainted, your flaws exposed. You feel a bit naked. Bare.
And small.
Shame spreads throughout your mind and your spirit feels weak. You cannot sleep. You cannot relinquish the incident which brought you to the reckoning of your baseness or the realization of your imperfect condition. You are surprised to find you are lesser than you believed. And worse? You are shocked-- shocked you could treat another with less consideration than you expect to receive yourself. You recognize how others lose control and stare humility in the face. It is not a good feeling. You cannot rationalize away your sin, nor find words to explain your behavior. Illness, the headache, medications, stress, frustration? No. No. No.
There is no excuse to be less than you could be. There is no infraction upon ourselves for which another deserves to be treated poorly.
When you apologize you do not feel any better for the words you utter. Apologies are not enough. Even if the person releases you from the offensive actions or words, you still know that wrong was wrong... no matter how many times you say, "I'm sorry".
In time, you learn how to forgive yourself. You resolve to extend every mercy that is shown to you in your weakest moment. It is the least you do. Understanding. Patience. Tolerance. Kindness. Forgiveness. You learn from your mistake, and vow to never forget the lesson. Ever. selahV
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord." Romans 12:16-19
We can be assured in these days of unrest. We can take comfort in the promise of days to come. We can rest in the steadfastness of our Lord. Fear not, my friends; fear not. For...
"Thus says the LORD: “Keep justice, and do righteousness, for soon my salvation will come, and my deliverance be revealed." Isaiah 55:14
Sometimes I wonder why. The question floods my mind and takes over my entire being. I suppose the worst time this occurs is when we lose someone we love or watch a person we care for face turmoil and disasterous consequences because of a poor choice... because of a foolish decision... because they fail to follow the guidance and directions and warnings we give.
In these times I find no pleasure in being right about my warnings. I gain no satisfaction in watching my predictions come true. "I told you so" lies tasteless on my tongue. It is still a troubling thing to witness the fall out, the collateral damage when things go wrong for others.
Oh that we would seek the Lord and heed His words and follow His ways and remember His directions. Oh, that we would... selahV
Sometimes the things which pleasure us most are the least noticed until they are removed from our lives. Water, fresh air, electricity, comfortable temperatures, sunshine, rain. When storms and turmoil rob us of these physical comforts, we tend to place higher value upon them than we do when we have them at our fingertips. When it is routine to have them without question, we hardly notice.
This can be true of relationships, also. Often we take for granted the smiles, the laughter, and the wit and wisdom of someone who is dear. We let a joy they give us go unrewarded. We fail to express gratitude, to reciprocate or acknowledge how much they mean to us. When we lose the familiarity of their smell, their touch, their presence, we are overwhelmed with regret and sadness. When I consider the people I've lost in my life: my son, my dad, and friends, I mourn their passing. No longer can I pick up the phone and call my dad and hear his voice and get his advice. No longer can I invite some friends over for tea and share troubles or celebrate achievement. No longer can I feel the bear-hugs and see the brilliant smile of my son as he talks about his little girls.
Loss limits happiness and leaves us with lingering desire to make amends, to call back the moments, to retrieve that which we cannot retrieve.
All the more reason to appreciate the constant presence, the unfailing steadfastness, the fullness of joy I have in the Lord.
"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joys; At Your right hand are pleasures." Psalm 16:11
The path of life is filled with loss and gain. In the presence of Christ we have the fullness of life--we have His joy ...His peace... His goodness ...His mercy and grace. In Christ we sit and rest at the right hand of perfect pleasures. At His fingertips we experience enough... enough joy to strengthen, enough grace to meet each need. May we not take these for granted. selahV
My thoughts, no matter how lofty, grand, or loving--they are never enough to meet the least of God's thoughts.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
Ultimately, even the most sacrificial thoughts I have still need God's purifying touch. The most descriptive word, the most profound phrase, the most knowledgeable statement I utter is nonsense in comparison to the wisdom of God. Each of my acts, no matter how kind, generous, or merciful, are far less than the perfection of God's. In this I know, it is God who seeks the best for others. It is God who reaches beyond the stars, above the universe, and whispers this earth into being. His word will never come back empty...void...without power. His thoughts will reign higher than the great beyond man seeks to explore. And for all this I am grateful to know that life is not up to me, struggles are not mine to fix, questions are not mine to answer, turmoil is not mine to still. In Christ I have my peace...in Him I rest. selahV
Seriously. Few things seem as colorful as they once were. Little seems to amuse. And even things that once annoyed you, are less irritating than a fly in your face. Depression is like a shadow that will not leave in the room. It's an invasive sort of thing. It robs one of motivation, interest, or enthusiasm. It sucks the humor out of every situation and magnifies the specs on a rosebud. The sweetest fragrance makes one sneeze and reject its pleasantry.
So what does one do when depression wiggles its way into a life and takes up residence?
For me, it takes time. It takes time to figure out why the cloud of sadness sticks to everything I touch. It takes time to dispel it's hold on my mind. I spend a lot of time reading scripture... a lot of time praying... a lot of time listening for the laughter of children... a lot of time watching for butterflies, blue skies and joy in another's face. I know that in the days of shadows that God has not left me alone. I know that the world is not as bad as I feel, nor any worse than anyone else endures. I know the Spirit within me is greater than the enemy outside me.
When depression comes knocking, I refuse to answer the door. I count the blessings of my life and count them again. I consider the works of the Lord and the marvelous goodness He bestows upon me and mine. I seek Him and Him only because only He can restore the joy of His strength and lift me from the stranglehold of self-centeredness. I begin to pray for others. I look beyond myself and, before long, depression loses interest in my company and closes the door behind itself.
"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and
praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous
things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1
In the world we have havoc. In Christ we live in harmony with God
and in hope of eternal peace. Our peace is not in this world. For the
world is ruled by the prince of darkness. He creates havoc in the lives
of every Christian. His aim is to destroy your peace, to rob you of
joy, to impede your progress, your every effort, your every goal.
"Why can't we live the dedicated, sold-out, life of Christ?" the
Sunday School teacher asked. The circle of people looked at one
another. Some looked down. Others shrugged their shoulders. Two
offered, "Because we are human."
"Is that not just an excuse?"
Perhaps it is an excuse. Perhaps it is truth. We are
human. We cannot possibly live the life of Christ in our own strength.
Our dedication needs to be to Him. We feed our bodies with breakfast,
lunch and dinner--a few snacks in between. We feed our minds with the
morning news--the evening news---the late-night news. In between we
snack on thrillers, mysteries, comedy, sit-com and reality shows. We
drink blog-surf instead of Living Water. Where is the nourishment for
our minds? Stop. Turn off the television, the radio, the computer
screen. Listen to the stillness. Listen for the still small voice of
God. Open His word and purge the world from your mind. Put on the
helmet of savation and keep your mind protected from the fiery darts of
satan's accusations, lies, and assaults.
You are a saint. You are separated from this world of darkness. You
are light. You are salt. You add flavor to this world. You are not
tasteless--nor are you putrid spew. You are righteous in Christ--not
living unto unrighteousness. You are a child of the Most High God. You
have favor among men. Live like a child of the King. Lift your head
and walk tall. Do not slump, nor stagger. Lift your eyes unto the
hills from whence cometh your help. Do not cast your eyes down into the
dirt. Look up. Let the sun shine upon your face--let the shadows fall
behind you. Cast your cares upon the Lord, for He cares for you. Take
His yoke upon you and let Him bear the weight. God is good--in you He
perfects goodness and blessing and righteousness--for His name's sake.
God's Spirit dwells within you. He makes intercession with your every
prayer. Pray for every person you see and let the Spirit of God lead
you to spur others on to good works.
Havoc is chaos cloaked in opportunity. God's opportunity to show you
how great He is. Embrace His strength, His power, His wisdom. Let
harmony and peace flood your being. For you know He is God. And He has
favor upon you. selahV
"Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour." Proverbs 14:9
No matter how tough the walk gets, no matter how hard the times are, no matter what seems to be lost or what discouragement we face in this world, no matter who persecutes, ridicules, rejects or hates us...
the day is coming in which we shall see an eternal day.
In that day all our enemies will be ashamed. All our sorrow will be made into joy. All our tears will be drops of sunshine. All our heartaches will be healed. All our fears will be gone. All our pain will be replaced with comfort. All our grief will disappear. I look forward to that day. What a day, glorious day, that will be! selahV
I feel like a scorched lily at the moment. Though my heart knows that God is watching over me and mine, my mind is like a whirlwind in a field of lilies. My heart knows that:
"The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me."
That "the Lord is my refuge and strength."
That "nothing can separate me from the love of God."
That if I "trust the Lord with all my heart, and lean not unto my own understanding, but in all my ways acknowledge Him, that He will direct my path."
That "if I keep my mind stayed on Jesus, He will keep me in perfect peace."
That "the Lord is working out all things for those who love Him."
I know all this.
My heart trusts this.
May this moment, this hour be one in which my brother is reassured of these same things. May he have the peace and calm and power in him to meet the challenges of his day. Though I do not know where he is or how he is, God knows. And while I cannot trust people, I can trust God. Into His hands I lay my burden of worry and "am persuaded that He will keep that which I've committed to Him against this day." selahV
" All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled; they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment." Psalm 6:10
But when I saw this photo below, I just had to post it on my blog. I just love cardinals. I've loved them since I was a child. I saw them on a regular basis in my home state of Virginia. They are our state bird. I suppose on a desolate winter day, when snow covers the earth, these delightful wisps of red are the perfect ornament to see perched in the grey world of hibernation. Such is the case with this photo I saw on Pinterest today. It may be too soon to contemplate a Winter's day; it's still hot and dry in Oklahoma. The parched ground begs for rain. Yet, just this morning, on the way to church I saw a group of small cardinals being led by a lone feathered scarlet dad. The tiny flock were startled into flight by a group of four young deer that crossed the road. My heart fluttered with praise and appreciation at the glory of God's creatures. I could not help but consider the color they brought to an otherwise desolate thirsting world. It may be too soon to consider a snow-covered earth, but it's never too soon to consider the blessings God brings to us in so many ways, every season of the year--no matter how dry or desolate our world may seem.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
And no one knows this better than Jesus: Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem to humiliating crucifixion at Golgotha. Then from Jerusalem's dump-site to Heaven's throne. Talk about a roller-coaster ride of emotions. If Jesus were prone to emotional swings, he'd have a lot to complain about. Yet, we know that the Lord did not react upon emotion. At times he had compassion upon people and acted in keeping with the mercy and grace of God the Father. But each time it is to give God glory, not himself. Often he told people not tell what he'd done. Instead of listening to Jesus, they were consumed with joy and elation and amazement; so they gave testimony to what Jesus had done for them.
The blind, the deaf, the ill, the lame, the leprous, the demon-possessed: they had some really good days. The pig farmer, the money-changers, the rich young ruler, the pharisees: they would probably attest to much better days.
It's amazing how we get all wadded up in knots some days: when people fail to meet our expectations, when problems come our way, we tend to moan and groan and think "why me". Some people let a red-light dictate their day. Others let traffic jams and whiney children determine their mood.
Then there are those people who have every reason in the world to complain: the ones who lose their homes, their loved ones, their health and all financial means to support themselves. Yet, they exhibit a spirit of joy and optimism that supercedes their plight. They rise above the ashes of heartache, rejection, rebuke and ridicule. Their attitude encourages me to change mine. To read of Paul's beatings, shipwreck, imprisonment and the praise he gave Christ through it all, gives me new courage. To consider the way the disciples traveled everywhere by foot to share the Gospel with the world, gives me inspiration to endure the day to day struggles I have.
I am so humbled in the midst of some pity party when I witness another person who is in a much worse situation and they are celebrating life with joy and patience. I am so strengthened by people like that, aren't you? Yes, some days are better than others, and some could be even better, if we'd just count our blessings and praise God in the midst of them. After all, Jesus has overcome the world, and in Him, so have we. selahV
I was only thirteen when I walked into the ballroom and stared at the breathtaking sight. Giant columns dotted the room and held the massive ceiling in place. Beautifully decorated tables filled the room. I'd never seen even one table decorated with flowers and candles; this room had to have 100 or more. Ladies were all dressed up; there were over 600 people there. I almost turned around and ran. I was scared to death.
I had no idea when my 4-H leader asked me to sing a song for her ladies club that her club had so many women. I suddenly realized why she'd worked for weeks getting me ready, teaching me how to hold notes and sing with more volume as she played the piano in her living room. Until I walked into that ballroom, I'd felt pretty confident. I literally wanted to cry. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Mrs. Keys hoped I would get a scholarship by singing in front of ladies in her lodge. I didn't. I was disappointed that she was disappointed. However, there is an up side to this; I never forgot the song:
"I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses...".
I suppose the most wonderful part of learning a song, and failing to please my 4-H leader, is the difference it made in my life 38 years later. In our last pastorate, a dear elderly lady, Mrs. P, was devastated when her husband suddenly died of a massive stroke. Our music director usually arranged to sing for the funerals, but when we went by to see the widow, she tearfully asked if I would sing a song. I immediately said "yes", even though I had never sang a solo at a funeral. I asked if she had a particular song she wanted me to sing, and she said she'd leave that up to me; she was so grief-stricken she couldn't think.
As a minister's wife I've sang "In The Garden" many times in church. But I've never sang it solo; I'm usually in a choir or a congregation. On the day of the funeral, I could barely breathe as I began singing. Mrs. P sat right in front of me and looked into my face through tears of sorrow. I wanted to break down crying--just like many years before. Instead of crying with her, the Lord pressed upon me to smile as I sang. Her face slowly filled with a peace that I can only describe as passing all understanding. Her tears stopped falling down her cheeks. Pure contentment radiated from her eyes. I wanted to stop singing and go hug her, but managed to finish without dissolving into an emotional puddle.
Days after the funeral, my husband and I went to visit her and she took my hands in hers, and kept telling me how wonderful my song was and how much she appreciated it. Then she asked me how I knew it was her husband's favorite song. I didn't know. But God did. Amazing how God works, isn't it? I can't begin to count how many times I've sung that song through the years, but I can count the one time it felt like I was truly in the garden with my Savior. selahV
Sometimes we look at the world around us and we see brokenness, bitterness and apathy. We see people walking city streets who seem oblivious to others around them. Sometimes we are those people. Sometimes our world is so consumed with our own thoughts, needs, struggles and trials that all we see is desolation and hopelessness. We are blind to others. We think we are the only ones in the world who have such difficulty.
That is not true. It's a devil's lie that is whispered in our ears so much that all we can hear is his words of gloom and doom. All we can see is the futility and hopelessness.
Are we dead? Are we without breath? Have our hearts stopped beating? Have our muscles atrophied? Are our bones dry and brittle? If you are reading this then the answer is no. Listen to the Spirit of God within you. Heed the conviction of His voice. Ignore the lies of the evil one. God knows where you are and what you are going through. He sees the other side of day. His has the power to bring even dry bones to life. Remember Ezekiel?
"Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live." Ezekiel 37:4-5
Just as God will cause breath to enter the dead and bring them to life, He is with you to bring life to your spirit, to kindle a fire in your heart, to jumpstart your mind, to remove the scales of doubt from your eyes, to show you the joy on the other side of sorrow. He is never beyond the futility of man. He is God. Mountains are molehills to Him. Grand Canyons are sidewalk cracks. Ocean waves are but ripples in a pond. Be comforted, my friend. Fear not. The Lord is with you; He is your refuge. He is your strength. He is life amid destruction and death. "Behold", He "will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live." selahV