Apparently, far more than I imagined.
When I first began blogging in 2006, I had no clue why I would blog. I had a friend who set up a blog for me and told me to "write". In fact, he told me repeatedly to "write". At the time, nearly a year had passed since I'd lost my 33 year-old son in a tragic 4-Wheeler accident on Mother's Day of 2005. My brain was mush. I felt like a puddle on the floor. Reason and purpose seemed frozen in time. Desperately I clung to temporal things to ground me between earth and heaven. I grasped for memories of my son's presence. I searched Scripture for answers. I buried my sorrow in the pages of Job and sought comfort in Psalms. And I wrote.
I gave my mind to debates I saw bandied about in the blogosphere: Calvinism, Arminianism-- predestination, tulips, regeneration, faith and all things related. I met some marvelous folks from all sides of the spectrum. By some twist of God's divine plan, I gained a bit of recognition from various folks in the blogging world-- attention filled with approval as well as disapproval.
It was okay.
It was instantaneous diversions from the heartache and depression I fought every day. I made some friends. Friends who remain to this day. Friends (other than a couple) I've yet to see in real-life touchy-feely time. These friends prayed me through one crisis after another. They helped financially to keep me on the internet, friends-- virtual strangers-- who provided computers. Friends who asked that I join their collaborative blogs-- which came and went through the years-- as most things do. It's been a great ride. From SBC-Impact (now defunct), to SBC-Voices (which dropped all aggregate links), to Devotional Christian (which also faded away), and even a couple of appearances on SBC-Today (in its infancy)--and since revitalized for greater impact. I wrote a few book reviews for Hannibal Publishing and wrote a few guest-devotionals for SBC-Tomorrow. I had blogposts from here at SelahV Today and SBC-Encounters reblogged and emphasized. I went from 1 hit a day to 50,000 hits in one day. Yeah... fifty thousand. But that was no achievement.
It had little to do with my voice-- my words-- my thoughts. It was merely because Hobby Lobby was going to court to protect their religious freedom. And several folks wanted to know what was going on. A couple of folks denounced the whole idea. Others (many others) tried to hack my site with pornography links in response. Such is the reality of posting anything in support of other Christians who seek to keep their religious rights as guaranteed by the United States Constitution. Go figure. The very thing oppositional voices are allowed to do-- visit and freely promote their smutty sites-- they are intolerant of when others promote traditional values. Values, by the way, that support the economic strength of our country.
So, here I am. Nearly 3,000 posts later. My name, once googled and found in multiple sites, finds itself on the lower end of the spectrum of voices to read. Partly because I stopped writing daily-- partly because the aggregator that carried my link dropped all links to their blog. Sad, when you think my link and others helped build it. Ah...cest' la vie; that's life. I joined Facebook and Twitter and linked my blogs to it. I still get traffic-- but nothing like it use to be.
I know if I wrote provocative posts like Ann Coulter, or controversial subjects in the SBC world countering famous folks, that my "name" recognition would grow. I might even be able to add advertisers to my site and build upon it--especially if I did crafty posts with crafty things and featured cute kids doing those crafty things (which happens to be what's trending hot on my blog right now-- an old post). But... that's not what I want. Not even close.
Right now I'm praying about SelahV Today, and Hariette Petersen-- and where I fit into this world of public value. I still write my little weekly newspaper column, Common Matters, for our county paper. I've no clue what subscribers to that paper think of me-- or if they even read my column. I suppose there's some draw or the editor wouldn't give me so much space each week. However...
I am at a crossroad-- an intersection with blogging. I don't want to be part of the political landscape in religion. I've all but stopped writing on my blog regarding my affiliation with the Southern Baptist Convention. The "voices" who supposedly represent me, do not speak for me anymore. So, I've separated myself from the heart of what it once was and from blogs that once carried my voice.
Physical liabilities limit my involvement in many things. But I know, I'm more than my liabilities-- my inadequacies, my failures-- and even my achievements. I am more. I'm more than a Twitter identity. I'm more than a Facebook status. I'm more than an email recipient-- or even my online profile. I'm more.
I am significant. In Christ-- in His body.
Now, I'm trying to figure out-- after 65 years of life, eight years of blogging and nearly 32 years of publishing my words-- just where I fit into His plan and purpose for the remainder of my days. I truly believe there's more to me than I know or can possibly conceive. And so are you.
"A good name is to be chosen over great wealth;
favor is better than silver and gold." Proverbs 22:1
We have more to offer than what government says. We are more valuable than the receipt of a wealthier person's leavings and crumbs. We are. We're more than one vote in one election or another. I'm more than the mother of an adult daughter and a dead son. I'm more than some church's former minister's wife. I am a child of the Most High God. And today-- that is enough. selahVToday by hariette petersen