SelahV Today

POKERS, PRODDERS, AND SPURS

A poker is one of those long metal (usually iron) rods which a person uses to poke at coals and logs in a fireplace.  It enables its user to stand safely away from the heat of the flames, as the hooked end catches hold of an errant log--which is not burning as expected.  A poker, put simply, pokes.  It pokes hot coals and nearly charred logs to get the fire going, should it try to die down.  It changes the position of logs in order to get a fire blazing.  Are you a poker?

A prodder can be a shepherd's staff, an elephant trainer's stick, or even a person.  A prodder tries to urge another to move in a specific direction for a specific purpose--sheep which are dumb as dumb can be, are prodded.  A prodder can guide or provoke.  It can nudge or needle--punch or punish.  Are you a prodder?

Spurs are those pointed objects a cowboy wears on the heel of his boots.  They act to poke a horse in its side, to prod it to move in a certain way with measured urgency.  Do you spur others on?

In the world of blogging and beyond, we find pokers, prodders, and sets of spurs.  A question came to me as I have seen my words used to poke and prod others in the last few days.  We need pokers, prodders, and spurs.  We need folks willing to approach the flames and readjust the burning logs.  Some fires need to die out--others need stoking with a poke here, and a breath of fresh air now and then.  We need someone to poke the coals and shuffle them about so the best of their heat is used.  We need folks to spur one another to action.  To move forward.  To run the race as courageously, as boldly, as honorably as possible.

The discerning mind, the yielded spirit, and open heart have the wisdom to see the difference between a prodder of unity and a provoker of divisiveness and animosity.  May you find yourself among the discerning, the yielded, and the open.  May I be counted among those who enrich, create comfort, instill warmth--where others may separate, and inflame to destroy or quench the Spirit of God.  Lord knows I fail so often to tend the fires He calls me to light.  It's not from lack of desire--some things need to burn--and burn like a bonfire.  Other things need to be kept under control--a little shifting here, a bit of prodding there.  When one sees a fire in need of another log, they must be very mindful of offering to add the wood.  It could very well come slamming down on a foot you've left too close to the fire.  selahV 

I can handle this God

So someone has a problem.  I realize that they just need a nudge in the right direction and they'll be fine.  So I go to this someone and give her a generous helping of my humble opinion pie.  When it appears this someone is drooling over that helping of pie, I add a dollopof my self-made (as opposed to homemade) whipped cream to top it off. Imagine my dismay when I discover that my pie was filled with things that caused her indigestion.  Ever been there?  You just want to help.  You just think they could use a bit of advice.  You just knew they'd love your pie because it came from a tried-and-true recipe that never fails....well, typically, "never" is rather absolute and presumptuous, I suppose?

Did you see the made-for-TV movie about that Amish family that was killed in 2006?  Well, there was this scene where the Amish folk and the wife of the man who'd slaughtered their children, all sat together in a counseling session.  The wife of the man who murdered those children explodes in anguish.  She cannot comprehend how the Amish can forgive such a deed.  She can't.  Then one Amish lady, with tears streaming down her face in agony, says she has to go back to God again and again and again to let go of the anger and get refilled to forgive.

That's how it was, and sometimes is, for me with people who've wronged me.  I cannot do it on my own.  It is the same way for loving someone who makes it hard to love, and to look at someone through God's eyes when our eyes see such aggravating, annoying things about them.

I believe it happens to us for a reason.  It happens so we will depend more, and more, and more on God.  So that He always has our attention.  I am one of those co-dependent fixers.  I'm full of compassion and longing for everyone to be happy, happy, happy.  Not everyone wants to be happy.  Some folks don't want to be anything but what they are.  And some folks think there is no other way to think, but the way they think.  When I go strolling up the sidewalk with one of my homemade got-the-answer pies, and trip on a stick and land flat on my cream-smeared face.  God gives me things in my life that show me I am not the one to fix things--He is.  My pie is not necessarily His pie.

Drives me nuts when He won't let me help sometimes.  I want to at least add some sugar.  But just as sure as I step in to give God a hand, "wham swat!"  He reminds me that this particular thing is His, not mine.  So I slump back to my self-saturated corner of thinking that I know best, and He shows me how it's really done.

Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes God wants me to take someone the pie, but it must be His pie, made with His recipe, and baked to His instructions.  Sometimes He leads me to take the pie, other times He wants me to eat it myself.  Want some?  selahV 

Wrong Thinking, Number 6 of 11

Some see weeds; others see flowers.  Some smell roses, others feel thorns. Some see a tattered old barn; others see a country memory.  We each have our own perspectives with things.  We don't always agree on what is important and what is not.  Can our differences become problematic?

Magnification or Minimizing:

"We blow things out of proportion, or we shrink their importance inappropriately."  Been there, done that.  Yep.  Here I am again, thoroughly able to relate to problematic thinking patterns.

Kidding aside, have you ever blown something out of proportion?  Get overwrought with two children fighting?  Or, pooh poohed something as insignificant that another believes significant?  Sometimes the "thing" is an inanimate object that suffers the irritation.  Like a person who slams doors, pots, pans, and drawers because they can't find their keys.  Or a child rips up a coloring page because they colored a tad outside the lines on a puppy's ear.  Or refuses to color at all because a page from the coloring book was unevenly torn from the book.  Sometimes you wonder if people sit around and stew all day over burnt toast.  Pity the person who crosses their path within their day.  Wrath unleashed, animosity rendered.

Ever encountered this, felt this?

Ever say something that another does not agree with, and they go ballistic on you for seemingly no reason.  It's not fun when someone takes everything you say and blows it out of proportion.  They embellish upon what you say or do, don't say and don't do.  Other times people treat whatever you say with an air of superiority.  They treat your words or concerns with disdain and have no restraint in letting you know exactly what they think about you and what they believe you to be.  It can be heartbreaking to be on the receiving end of people who treat you like that.  You may wonder if it is a case of mistaken identity.  It's like they back up and unload every bit of animosity they have felt for another person whom you remind them of.  This kind of magnification of a situation, or view, is bewildering.  It hurts. It confuses.  And it places inappropriate response to an otherwise common situation.  It's problematic.  For the person being attacked or criticized, as well as for the attacker.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, a person minimizes everything, or most everything as if another's feelings have no value.  They ignore.  They look down upon others.  They see the needs of others as unimportant in the scheme of things, unworthy of wasting their time upon them.  So, they don't address them, or barely at all.

This is usually caused by a rather inflated ego.  Sometimes people feel threatened or inferior.  They may worry needlessly about a specific thing that someone says or does.  They encounter a problem and it becomes monumental in their mind.  Their unrealistic magnification of an interruption, aggravation, or trial can impede any ability to deal with normal everyday situations.  The normal red light is abnormal.  The typical interruption is extraordinary.  Others may be self-assured and could care less about rules, manners, decorum, or another's feelings.  They just don't care.

Whatever way a person finds themselves with a pattern of "MoM", or has to live with someone with this kind of thinking, it's tough.  They live with a revolving door of roller-coaster emotions.  Dealing with someone like this is challenging; it takes tremendous patience, mercy, self-control and tolerance.  Until "Number 7", I ask God to give me an extra measure of these things. I need discernment to deal with others in ways that glorify Him.  May we all let go and let God's grace be sufficient to meet whatever comes.  selahV

Foolishness

I'm guilty.  Today I got a couple of emails from folks and forwarded them on to others.  I realized a little while ago that though the emails were not evil, they were foolish--pure foolishness.  They were dumb jokes and I wondered to myself, "What glory does Jesus gain from me passing along foolish jokes that do nothing to lift another up, edify them, or encourage them?"

As a rule, I do not forward many emails.  I rarely send something unless I find it uplifting or informative.  I messed up today.  Not gonna do that anymore.

"Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk, nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving." Ephesians 5:4

At the end of any day, as I take stock of what I've said or written (and also, thought but left unsaid), I am grateful when my words of thankgiving out weigh my foolish talk.  James tells us that whatsoever we say or do, should be said and done for the glory of God.

Aren't you grateful that the Lord forgives us our sin, covers our transgressions, and pours out His grace when we open our mouth and insert our foot?  selahV

WRONG WAY OF THINKING, Number 1 of 11

I was standing in a Christian counseling center today and noticed a rack which held a group of flyers on various topics.  One in particular grabbed my attention:  Wrong Thinking That Causes Us Problems.  I couldn't help but be reminded of the scripture:  "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7.

As I looked at the flyer, I considered the "wrongful thinking" that might be causing me problems.  I took the flyer with me and thought I'd write a series of posts on the points it made.  You may or may not have problems with your kind of thinking.  Your heart may be so pure that your mind thinks nothing but positive thoughts all day long.

However, some folk think everything is black or white and there are no areas of gray.  According to the flyer, that is an absolutist position.  "An all or nothing", my way or the highway, mindset.  And that kind of thinking can cause a person problems.

I can see how a person who thinks this way could have a few problems.  Let's face it.  A man is not an island unto himself.  We live, unless we are hermits on a mountaintop, with other people.  Not every person we live with will share our view of life--some folk will buck our norm.  Some folk will cross our lines.

When a person thinks things must follow a specific plan, and things must fit into a particular mold or schedule, and then something plucks a feather out of their bluebird of happiness, the absolutist goes a bit nuts.  Often they are prone to anger.  They cannot deal with something that bucks their idea of norm or perfection.  Absolutists think things need to conform to their demands.  They have an idea of how things ought to happen, and when confronted with circumstances contrary to their thinking, their comfort zone is threatened.  Emotionally, they become stressed, which leads to irritability, and eventually anger.  If left unchecked, a person will be miserable.  Very often miserable people make others miserable.  After all, whose life falls in line with exactly as one wants or believes it should?  Sooner or later, a burr gets lodged beneath your saddle, or a fly gets stuck in your ointment.  A baby cries, a husband is late for dinner, a clerk ignores you, or a waitress moves too slow.  Anger simmers, then boils over.  Tempers flare, and explosive thinking becomes explosive actions.

What can an all-or-nothing person do in situations such as these?  The best thing they can do is change their way of thinking.  Unfortunately, that may take a bit of time.  Habits die hard.  Do you know someone who thinks like this?  Be patient, be tolerant.  Ask God to give you a merciful heart, full of grace for them.

Do you ever think like this?  Let God know you need Him to help you deal with your unreachable expectations.  Examine the areas in life where you are most demanding, in which you are most vulnerable to stress.  Be patient with yourself, too.  Ask God to give you insight to accept life as it is, to show mercy toward others who do not fall within your lines of conformity and demands.  Rely on Jesus to fill the gaps of your disappointment. Then trust Him to give you peace to live with yourself and others.  selahV

PLAYING SOFTBALL IN A HARDBALL WORLD

When I was a young girl, my brothers would gather a group of neighborhood boys together to play a game of ball.  I always followed my brothers around, and occasionally (when they couldn't round up enough boys to make a team), they would have me play with them.  In the field.  Way out in the field.  With no glove.  It was rather boring.  The real game always seemed to be played in the infield, between the bases.  I watched it from afar.  I really didn't mind too much because I was scared to death that the ball would be hit to me and I'd be expected to catch it.  I always imagined that if it ever came to me, that I would catch that thing and show my brothers that I could play ball too.  However, I never really wanted to face that hard-hit fly-ball up close and personal. 

On one particular day, it seemed odd to me that, instead of the game staying in the infield, the balls kept coming to the outfield.  I was running all over the place trying to get those hits and throw them back to my brothers before the batters could run all the bases.

As fate would have it, one ball was hit high into the air and its estimated arrival targeted my spot in the tall green grass.  I took a deep breath, and watched that ball all the way.  I held up my hands and it hit my palm with stinging, burning force.  But I didn't let it go.  Nope.  I held on and my brothers were jumping up and down at the toughness of their baby sister.  I wanted to revel in the moment as tears stung my eyes from the pain in my palms.  But there wasn't time.  I had to throw the ball back into the game.  The guy on first base was running for home.

For days after my big catch with my brothers, I felt residule effects of that catch.  It hurt.  I was bruised.  I had huge blood blisters that throbbed each time I used my hands to do anything.  My step-mother said I shouldn't have been playing softball with those boys anyway.  I should have been home playing with dolls or coloring.  She told me next time I had a hankering to follow them out in the field, that I should pick wildflowers.  She explained that the boys looked for the weakest player in the field and aimed their hits right toward them.  And in my case, I was the weakest player.

I learned something from that day.

There are times in our lives that our comfort zone is challenged by the hard fast-balls of confrontation.  Personally, I don't go looking for them.  Yet, I must be ready to face them when they come my way.  I may get caught off guard by their interruption into what was otherwise a quiet day of watching the boys play in the infield.  I may get hit and knocked down by the sheer force.  But, I'm beginning to realize, you just can't play softball in a hardball world.  There's always someone out to prove he's bigger and better than the rest of the guys...and he really doesn't care who he takes out to hear the crowds roar or make a home run, even if it is a girl.   

Very often in life, we find the powerful overpowering the weak.  We see the knowledgable misusing their knowledge to try and confound the less learned.  We see the master of language, twist and manipulate to demean and accuse.  We see the prominent misuse their status to exploit the less fortunate.  We even see the popular misuse their popularity to insult others in the guise of righteous indignation.  When this occurs, we must cry out to God.  We must pray for His divine intervention to face the giants without trembling.  We must seek His face and rely on Him to give us the resolve to stand and catch the hardballs in life.  selahV

[copyrighted, 2009, SelahVToday, hariette petersen]