I've been giving this a lot of thought lately. All my life it seems there has been someone in my life I have been trying to please. My father, my step-mother, my brothers, my children, my teachers, my employers, my neighbors, my friends, even strangers. Why?
for approval? recognition? love? gain?
Perhaps it's all of the above.
However, the surest way to find disappointment is to put all my hope for happiness in the response of others. People let us down. Expectations can be so very delusional. We expect more than people are capable of giving.
While we are thinking of the beauty and sweetness of the rose, another sees its thorns and sneezes at its fragrance.
While others find the setting of a red sun beautiful, others see it as warning for the following day.
While some see tiny yellow blossoms beautiful and delightful, others declare them weeds and a nuisance.
While we view our expressions of love as kind and generous, others may find them annoying and irritating. While we view our efforts as helpful and encouraging, others may find them discouraging and threatening.
Here's what I think today:
We need to be happy with where we are in ourselves. We cannot rely on another living soul to be our joy, our hope, our reason for living. We must "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" then everything else falls into place without effort or failing. selahV
Depression is a disease. It is as much a disease to the thinking system as cancer is to the cells of the body. What cancer cells eat, depression steals from the inner peace of a person's ability to think and reason and feel.
I've had depression my entire life. I know this because, after being treated for years as an adult, and researching the ins and outs of symptoms, I was able to trace it back to my childhood. Certainly a part of depression is environmental, situational, and is affected by relationships. But there is a definite connection between the chemicals in ones brain that create havoc with the inner strength of ones thought processes. And as a man thinketh, so is he.
So much of what we think comes from what we put into our minds. Positive reinforcements. Joyful occasions. Goodness. However, to a deeply depressed person, even joyful occasions have no joy. All the goodness in the world has no good. And all the positive input has no influence. To the person who does not suffer with this disease, it is unfathomable. It is incomprehensible. It is a bit foolish, and weak. At times the healthier person who tries to help, cannot help and cannot fix the weaker and so they transfer their own helplessness and frustration onto the person who deals with enough self-deprecation to kill twenty healthy-minded individuals.
Depressed people cannot undo what is. They can no more change it than a person with cancer or diabetes can change their ailment. They can be treated. They can learn to deal with it. They can learn what affects them negatively and try to avoid the diet, outside influences, and darkness that draws them into a deeper abyss. But they cannot fix it. Cancer can be cut out, burned out, and chemically destroyed. But not always successfully--sometimes it kills you. Depression can be aided, but cannot be removed... it can be lessened but will always remain...and sometimes it, too, kills.
The real problem with the disease is doctors keep throwing more and more drugs at you and it always ends up that the problem is YOU... and your family and friends treat you as if you are a weird wart in their lives... they tolerate your sadness, and only a few people in life actually "get it" that you cannot change what is going on no matter how hard you try. Depressed folks are trusting God for the very breath they take to make it to the next breath. But others do not see depressed people in this way. They tell folks to buck up, to get over it, and to stop thinking the way they think as if a person can unthink cancer of the lung.
God be with the Warrens and all the other parents and friends and families of the Matthew Warrens in life. I know it will be a very sad sad journey for the Warrens. But they will find comfort in knowing their son is finally free of all his anguish and pain and struggle. The hardest part is missing the dear son they love so much. Life will always have a hole in it which can only be filled by the presence of God. And even then, it will not seem to be enough to satisfy the hunger in their hearts to see their son, to touch him, to hear his voice and absorb his presence. selahV