THERE'S AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

I've never understood racism.

My mother abandoned my two elder brothers and me when I was just 3 years old.  Fortunately I was blessed with a wonderful nanny who cared for me like I was her very own--Trisha.  She happened to be black.  In those days, she was called a negro.  The first time I ever really noticed she was black was when I saw her shaving her legs.  I must have been about five.   She was all lathered up with white soap.  As she drew the razor up her leg, the black was stark against the background of white.  I recall as if yesterday, asking, "Trisha, how come you are black?"

"Oh, child, the Lord made me this way."

I didn't know much about the Lord at the time, but I knew the Lord was someone who was suppose to be good and if He made her black then it was a good thing.  Then I wondered, why am I white?  If black was good, then is white bad?  Trisha assured me that white wasn't bad either.  That the Lord made both black and white and both were exactly what He wanted them to be.

Through the years, I listened as my father called negroes "niggers".  Daddy thought the absolute world of Trisha.  I never heard him call her by that term.  But I heard him refer to other black people that way.  I never understood it.  Not then.  Today I do.  Daddy was prejudiced.  He was prejudiced by his own culture.  His upbringing.  By our country's disdain for black people.  I didn't know much about the politics of it all as a child.  I only observed the treatment of blacks.  I heard the names they were called.  I saw the way they were considered second-class (or worse) people.  It was confusing to me, especially since I loved Trisha as a mother and saw absolutely nothing wrong with being black.

When I was a freshman in highschool in Virginia, the first black girl was admitted to our all-white school.  I'd heard she was coming for days.  It was like some disease was on its way, that we should all be prepared.  I'm a bit surprised that they didn't have us vaccinated prior to her arrival.  Joyce Phillips was her name.  I'll never forget going to her and introducing myself.  She barely spoke to me.  I was trying to be nice.  But she came close to totally rebuffing my extension of friendship.  Then, I didn't know why.  Today I do.

Joyce was scared to death.  Lord only knows what she'd been through.  She'd lived her entire life knowing white people viewed her as trash.  She had to use a different drinking fountain.  She couldn't go into white restaurants.  She had to use a different restroom.  There's no doubt in my mind, she knew firsthand the racial bigotry that caused fellow members of her race to be hanged for less reasons than drinking at a white water fountain.  And now she was entering the white world with no other black person at her side.  I know I was not patronizing her.  In my heart, I didn't understand why others considered her any less a person than they did white people.  Trisha had taught me that as a little child.  But Joyce couldn't know what I'd been taught.  She only knew what she had experienced.

Today, over 45 years later, the divide between black and white is still here.  Much progress has been made on the part of blacks.  Much progress has been made on the part of whites.  But we still face the same suspicions, judgemental attitudes and prejudice that we faced back then.  Every time we get a bridge built, someone comes along and either blows it up, or rams the support beneath it.

There is an elephant in the room and I believe we all need to begin talking about that elephant or that elephant will trample us all to death--white and black.

I for one, have a great deal of difficulty trying to talk to blacks because of fear.  I fear I'm going to offend them.  I do not have to measure every word with anyone else--of any other race--as I do my black brothers and sisters.  I don't live in fear of reprisal.  I live in fear of not being understood:  Of being considered a racist for using a word or phrase in a way they understand it to be a slur.  Of being judged by an invisible standard set by the history of men and women I never knew or even cared to know.

Black folks don't like being lumped into a stereotypical description of ghetto-mentality and I don't like being lumped into a stereotypical description of slaveownership-mentality.  When I say a person--be he white or black--is articulate, I am giving a compliment.  I have black friends who are married to white friends.  I have sisters who are married to black men, and they have bi-racial children.

I love to hear black preachers preach.  I love the color they add to their messages.  I love the way they preach in cadence.  I love the fervor with which they preach.  I love the way they use a repetitive poetic statement and expound upon it and plant the Truth in my memory.  I do not like all black preachers--no matter how they preach.  I do not like all white preachers either.

I want to be understood as much as my fellow black brothers and sisters want to be understood.  I'm just as tired of being considered a racist because I happen to be born white, as a black person is of being considered less than human because he/she is born black.  I am sickened to death at the sound of the word racist and repulsed by the actions of one who has the repulsive attitude.

We are living in an age where finally two black coaches can take two integrated teams to the Superbowl and win.  Neither of them lost that game this year.  We are living in a time when a man born to a black father and white mother can run for President of the United States.  Where men and women of every color and every age stand behind that man in primary elections.  It is sad to see the first woman running for President feel she must be black in order to beat that candidate for her party.  It's awful to hear the media continually beat the race drum regarding voters.  Rather than getting the votes...each candidate targets specific votes...according to race, gender, and faith.  What happened to equality and not discriminating?

I pray we can all begin to dialog regarding our different views without hiding beneath white sheets or pulling out ropes to make a point.  God is no respecter of color, but we are.  And until we admit we are, we are no better than the person we are accusing of the same racism.  I have one criteria by which I judge a man, a woman or a candidate for anything.  What fruit do they produce?  I want to be judged likewise.

I have no idea what is going on in the minds of people.  Unless a person is clothed in my skin and lived in my life, they don't either.  And unless each individual with an opinion can read the minds, hearts and motives behind every word and action of another, we are not in any place to judge.

And as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are accountable to God to correct, exhort and reprove.  But we are commanded to do so in love, gentleness and with a spirit of reconciliation.  Less than that is just as ungodly as any act an offending brother or sister has committed.

Oh, dear Lord, that we all be blind to the color of our skin.  Oh, dear Lord, that we could all view others with Your eyes, through the crimson blood of the Lamb rather than through the history of others' discrimination.  Let us "purge out the old leaven" that we "may be fresh dough, still uncontaminated, for Christ, our Passover".  "Let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with leaven of vice and malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened [bread] of purity (nobility, honor) and sincerity and (unadulterated) truth." (I Cor.5:7,8. Amplified)   Let this moment be significant, Lord.  Let it be significant for Your glory and not ours.   Let our need to be right be brought into Your Light and exposed for the wrong that it is.  selahV

[copyrighted, selahVtoday, 2007]

Note: This is edited and reprinted from an article I wrote last year.

Comments

[Luke]

Very nicely put. Frank, forthright, honest and sincere is the kind of talk that is needed. You cannot very well address the elephant(racism and those who use it for personal gain) if you keep calling it a puppy.

You sure do stay up late.

[selahV]

Luke, how great to have you come by. ever get that gymnasium finished?

I grieve in my heart for all who suffer the pain of heartless smears. As christians I charge that it is expedient for us to confront our brothers and sisters wherein we witness intentional or unintentional err. However we must do so with the loving-kindness our Father has so liberally bestowed upon us. To do less is no better than the one who errs with the utmost of intentional disregard for humanity rooted in his/her heart. selahV

[Colin McGahey]

you just said, "we must do so with the loving-kindness our Father has so liberally bestowed upon us."

That seems to be vacuously absent in too many places in the blogosphere.

This is a wonderful post.

[Les Puryear]

Excellent post. I applaud your transparency.

Les

[selahV]

Colin, My prayer is that we will soon be able to fill that vacumn with the Spirit of God by manifesting His Spirit in our hearts and souls. This can only be accomplished through broken hearts yielded to Him and not to the men from whom we seek approval.

May God in His Glory bring us all to His feet. selahV

[selahV]

Les, may Christ find honor in my words and they bring applause to Him only. selahV

[Luke]

Unfortunately, we have not finished it yet Mrs. V. We are close but not close enough to call it done. Other than that, I've just had too many irons in the fire for one person so I have been out of pocket a little while.

The part that kinda bugs me a little is this. If a person unintentionally smears someone, why can't the one smeared show benevolence toward the other. It seems that so many are just waiting for any reason to fly off the handle and gain an audience. It is just as much a duty of mine to seek forgiveness when I offend as it is my duty to express the greatest of love, forgiveness, when I am offended. Forgiveness in spite of the type of offense should be the attitude of my or all Christian's hearts. But then again, sometimes we want to hang on to unforgiveness because I believe that it is somehow beneficial to myself. What a lie Satan propagates.

[Jim Champion]

SelaV

This is part of a comment that I made on Peter's blog. I am reproducing it here to throw my two cents into the mix. I have great respect for your writings, and as an extention for you as well. You and I have not interacted much, if at all, and probably for the reason that I often come down on the Wade supporter side of most issues. Be that as it may, race is hard, and I fear that it will continue to be hard until Christ returns. I have learned much from my friends of other races, but probably the primary thing that I have learned is that I as an early 50s white man, will never understand what my African American friends went through - and continue to go through. Kids in this generation seem to be more colorblind, at least that is what I have observed with my daughters. But these kids seem too accepting of almost everything - I guess the tolerance messages that they have been bombarded with since birth by the media have taken hold

I grew up in whitebread, middle class america. The only African Americans I encountered were the two or three that attended my 1200 student high school. I went to a small private christian college, we had very few Africans or African Americans. My parents rasied us to be color blind, or as color blind as possible. I do not recall that they ever used a racist term about any minority.

It was not until I began my professional career that I began to encounter people of different races, and developed a life long friendship with an African American man that I began to receive my education on what it means to be black in America in the south. My friend grew up Dallas, in the shadow of Fair Park (a poor predominately black section of Dallas). Attended an all black high school - poor teachers, second hand books, no lab equipment etc - you know, separate but not even close to equal. He was an amazing athlete, ran the 800 meters, went to a big 12 school on a track scholarship. Of course he had to be careful where he chose to run in the dallas area, as he was stopped many times as he ran through white areas of town. After college, you would think that employers (and this was in the early 80s) would have been falling all over themselves to hire him as he was smart, well spoken etc - not so much. He wound up taking a job that was quite beneath his education etc - yet has wound up doing well. The overt and subtle racism he has encountered has boggled my mind.

All that to say that when I see someone like Pastor McKissik castigated for playing the "race card" I just shake my head. None of us can relate to what it meant to grow up black in the day and time that he grew up. To walk into the Ec building in Nashville and see what he saw - i truly dont know why predominately black churches stay part of the SBC.

I am fortunate to be part of a semi racially diverse church. Our deacon body has several hispanic men and one African American man. Our pastor plans to have either an African American or Hispanic man as his associate pastor as soon as we can affored to bring on another staff member. On the other side of the church issue - my wife and I belonged to a church in Plano, Texas in the mid 80s when west Plano, where this church was located) was the hot growing spot for very upwardly mobile professionals - one of the deacons told me that this church would be uncomfortable with black members. We left shortly thereafter.

Jim Champion

[Chris]

SelahV,

Thanks for this post. I need to add that I have experienced the reverse racism that came with affirmative action. I experienced it in work place pre-college, in college, and post college career opportunities. I hesitate in sharing this for the fear of being misunderstood. However, I want shed some ligh on it from a diferent perspective. I disciple men. One man I am discipling is black. His name is Eric. We talk about the race issue often. When I told him after a year all the inequities I have experienced he was amazed. He said, “Why didn’t you do anything? You were more oppressed than me.” I told him that the way to win the heart is to ignore our own slights and to trust Jesus. Besides, God's plan was for me to be a pastor, not an optometrist. Good thing there were some quotas! I'm not insinuating we don't have a race problem or the realities you state in your post, rather that we overcome it by candid conversation, not insinuation and suspicion. Eric and I agree the way to stop discrimination is to stop discriminating.

Eric sent me this article from Wikipedia. Eric’s comment was; “Wow, I never knew this, we made it racist.” My reply, “There is too much money to be made and political points to gain for racism to die down. Let’s you and I be change agents!”
Last, I hope my dead, ¾ Cherokee grand pops favorite food doesn’t become a pejorative!

[selahV]

Luke: Dear friend, you ask, "If a person unintentionally smears someone, why can't the one smeared show benevolence toward the other." I would say that it could be a matter of the heart. We are always quicker to react than sit back and try and figure out what meaning is attached to a statement. I have been put on the chopping block for asking questions just to figure out what a person means so I do not offend and by my very questions I am considered suspect. So the answer in a situation such as race relations, I have more to learn than offer as advice. selahV

[selahV]

Dear Jim, welcome to my haven of inspiration and encouragement. Glad you found a moment to visit. I pray you find a harbor from the vociferous commentaries you engage on other blogs.

You write: "You and I have not interacted much, if at all, and probably for the reason that I often come down on the Wade supporter side of most issues."

You presume amiss, dear Jim. It matters not to me on what side of Wade folks are on. I have no qualms with issues. In fact, you would probably be very surprised at some of the issues for which Wade and I see eye to eye. I'm just not one to put my finger in everyone's pie. I tend to read more and speak less. Most often my comments, if you were to do a study of them, are in relation to the spiritual nature and conduct one exhibits within our community of Christian cyber-land. After having tried on numerous occasions to engage some of the more controversial bloggers on topics without any success, I simply gave up and took my empty bucket home.

I've found a few places which welcome me with open arms and engage my comments as if I'm a longheld friend, even when I'm a first-time blogger. These blogs range from Pentacostal, Emergent, Independent Baptist, Southern Baptist, and more. I have diverse interests and find a bit of wisdom is in all. For the majority of my 31 years as a Southern Baptist, I have virtually stayed completely out of politics. Not fun. I don't like it. I don't think there is really any place for it in Christian community. So, I find it rather distasteful when I try to engage a person in a conversation about oranges and they insist that oranges are apples.

In the case of Dr. McKissic, I am so very grieved that he encounters anything but the grace and respect for which he bestows upon others. I do not know what is going on in Nashville regarding the employment procedures of African American, Hispanic, German, Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese. I would venture a guess but it would be ignorant at best and plain silly at least. I cannot answer for Nashville. Perhaps the better thing to do would be to inquire why the highest position held by an African American is Head-custodian. Maybe no one applied for any other positions. Lord knows we aren't notorious for paying what a person is worth. And an African American who has the education and credentials to serve on any higher position within the Nashville hierarchy, might just rather go where he or she will be compensated for their knowledge and experience. That is just my off-the-wall guess.

My husband is a custodian, by the way. He served the Lord as a minister in fairly good sized churches in his 23 year ministry, but here he is back as a custodian now that he is retired due to a heart condition. He finds the work just as honorable as he did ministry. He does it unto the Lord. I digress.

No one should intentionally treat another person as less than themselves. It is unChristian to do so. Color is not the issue in that. I think it is extremely difficult for our black friends, brothers and sisters, to be treated with unChristian behavior. Some people treat all people with unChristian behavior and find a way to whitewash their black-hearted actions.

Some folks can excuse away anything AND find supporters to agree with them.

While this post is not about Dr. McKissic, it is about race and the difficulty in white folks relating to black folks and black folks relating to white folks.

I have a story about some teenage boys I'm going to tell in another post that is so charming it breaks my heart. It paints a picture of tolerance and openness as well as any that we adults could come up with. However, it could just as easily be misconstrued as demeaning and hateful.

Want to know what I'd like to see in the SBC? I plan to write on it Monday for the sbcIMPACT main blog. Perhaps that will bring enough dialog to the forefront to spearhead something wonderful. I'll see.

I can't apologize for the long response. I'm prone to be verbose. However your comment warranted a response commensurate to its own length. Again, thank you for coming here. I appreciate your input...no matter how much you agree with Wade. selahV

[selahV]

Chris, I am certain there are many stories we would find that show the other-side of racial discrimination. I've had a few that happened to friends of mine as well. White folks are overlooked and bypassed for another person of race all the time. However, the long-held discrimination against the black people in America will take more than a few of our jobs to overcome. It will take not four black quarterbacks in the NFL, not twenty percent of the White House Cabinet being black nominees, not just one Supreme Court Justice. It will take all people of all races to be color-blind.

Until then what you say here carries one of the most poignant statements we could discuss: "I'm not insinuating we
don't have a race problem or the realities you state in your post,
rather that we overcome it by candid conversation, not insinuation and suspicion. Eric and I agree the way to stop discrimination is to stop discriminating."

And some of us would do well to concern ourselves less with the color of our skin and more with the thickness of it. Sensitivity is pride and pride leads us to attach more significance to a statement than is intended most times. Even as I wrote this post, I knew I might offend someone inadvertantly, unintentionally. That concerns me---not because I want folks to think I'm a well-informed person---no. It is because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause them undue pain. And that is my fear when I say I have fear. That and that alone. selahV

[Jim Champion]

SelaV

Thank you for your gracious and verbose comment!

Jim

[greg.w.h]

selahV:

Any word from CB?

Greg Harvey

p.s. God set my internal alarm for 4:00am central, sharp. I was delighted!

[selahV]

Greg, thanks for stopping by. CB got the kiddos! No more battles. We are rejoicing with him and his church which showed up in force in the courtroom to support him. God is so very very good. Above all, through all, with all, all the time. Praise His Holy name. selahV

[selahV]

Jim...you're welcome. Come back anytime. selahV

[Ramblin' Rose]

PTL! So glad to hear the good news about CB and family! Thank you for the update, and for the blessing of praying for them.

God bless you, Selah.

Love,
Rose

[Chris]

SelahV,

One more thought. I spoke with my friend Eric about the events of the last week; he did see all the hubbub over the comment. He then went to tell me he went and saw the movie "The Debaters" – movie about blacks and there educational acumen prior to the civil rights. He was blown away because he had never been taught about the rich heritage of blacks, only the sad stories of victimized racism, of which he states he never experienced. We dialoged a bit and he made this point. “My people (blacks) were much better off when they were over-comers and not victims.” WOW, now that is a thought!

[selahV]

Chris, I'm not aware of the movie, THE DEBATERS, but Eric's thought:

"“My people (blacks) were much better off when they were over-comers and not victims.” is very similar to what a recent white blogger and brother said that turned our black brother and blogger's blood to ice on another thread.

The difference as I see it between Eric and the other blogger may be an age factor. Eric probably never lived in the time when his sister was beaten unrecognizable for daring to ask for a lawyer when asked to sign a ticket. It's just as hard for me, who has never been unkind--or demeaning to a black person--to comprehend how all light-skinned people are considered racist for remarks held as redflags by people of color.

Hence, this post. selahV

[selahV]

Chris, another thing. I understand the reasoning behind, "my people" in some instances--especially in the context of this comment made by Eric. Yet, I've never referred to the anglo race as "my people" and it seems to trigger in me a feeling of discontent when I hear others use it at times. i.e. Oprah Winfrey once said while discussing interracial marriages, that " we don't like white women taking "our" men". The conversation at the time was that white women picked the best of "their" educated, prospering men.

Also it was said that black men choose white women as trophies to place themselves in higher standing within the white establishment.

I cannot comprehend this animosity toward white women for falling in love and wanting to marry a black man and black men seeking trophies. They fell in love and married one another--two people. Who are we to judge that they sat around discussing properity of one and the value of trophies of the other? Could you ask your friend, Eric about that? selahV

[greg.w.h]

selahV:

Thanks for the news and for the email about it as well. I'm so delighted that God permits us to participate in such a mighty way in his plan of salvation and restoration.

Prayer is a glorious opportunity to seek to understand and to fathom the mind of God and at the same time to rest in comfort and security within his hand! I'm so happy for CB and Karen and the kiddoes!

Greg

[Luke]

V,

You have adequately pointed out that racism is not the main issue. Rather, it is the prejudices within the hearts of all people. It simply reveals itself as racism with some.

Luke

[jasonk]

What a beautiful post. Thank you for writing it. I have always felt that if we could just be open and talk about the things that we find offensive, or hurtful, maybe we could all be a little more mindful of what others are feeling. My daughter is a teller at the bank, and recently, our branch was robbed by an armed gunman. It really shook up all of the girls in the branch. A few days later, one of the guys used a term, and he meant no harm by it, but he said, "let's pull the trigger on that." I don't completely understand why, but it upset the girls. We decided that maybe, for a while, we would watch what metaphors we used around the branch.
I've always been open, maybe too open for some folks, with all my friends. I'm just inquisitive by nature, so I ask my women friends what its like for a customer to hit on them while they are working. Or I might ask a black friend how it feels to be followed by a policeman for no apparent reason. Like someone else pointed out earlier, the key is to talk about it openly, make an effort to understand the feelings of others, and then act according to New Testament principles. It can be hard for those of us who like our comfortable little worlds, but it is absolutely essential.
Thanks again for a beautiful post.

[selahV]

Luke: you are so succinct and on target my brother. Indeed the main issue is the inability to communicate with one another as people without looking at the color of their skin. Our prejudices lead us to racism and accusations of racism just breed more prejudices that can produce further racism as I see it. It is the heart we need cleansing---that will take care of the mind. selahV

[selahV]

jasonK! well as I live and breathe! how did you manage to get over here with that walker and cane tripping you? :) Welcome, my old buddy!

Thanks. I wish this was a post that never had to be written, nor ever discussed again. But that would be rather premature in light of all the discord, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, presumptions and assumptions on the part of all races, I'm afraid.

I really cannot speak for anyone other than myself, but I do get weary trying to figure out how I offend folks---all folks, not just people of color, these days. When I was growing up, the words "political correctness" just meant good manners with Christian principles. Today, it's more than my feeble mind can wrap its deteriorating cells around. As soon as I get one thing figured out, another thing pops up that is not correct to say.

I had a delightful dinner with my 10 year-old granddaughter last evening and she used terms I have never heard of before. I don't even know if they were derogatory. She didn't seem to say them in an offensive way. But I did wonder what in the world kind of language she was speaking. Sometimes I feel very very old. selahV

[jasonk]

Well, you know, us old folks have got to stick together :>)
When it comes to interpersonal relations, there are many kinds of people, but two come to mind in light of what we are discussing here. One kind is the person who says, "I say what's on my mind, and if that bothers you, too bad." I know that I am going to have a hard time getting along with that person, because what they are really saying is, "I'm a jerk, and I don't care."
The other extreme is the person who never says anything, for fear of offending one person. They cannot possibly fulfill their God-given purpose in life, because they are too afraid to interact with others.
I'm not always very good at this, especially with the anonymity of the blog world, but in my personal relationships, I try to be courteous and gracious to those around me. If I feel a little more at ease around them, I can let loose a little, but courtesy and grace usually gets the job done. I think it may have to do with what the New Testament says about unwholesome words coming out of our mouths, not so much cursing and bad language, but just a general air of love and contentment in one's speech. I don't usually have to worry much about political correctness if I am focused on the other person. Like I said, I'm better at talking about this than I am of actually doing it, but I'm working on it.

[selahV]

JasonK, you're baaaack! I went over to your blog and read your lengthy post. Some of it was quite good.

Did someone else say you were misguided? I'd tell them you aren't misguided. "a bit" misguided--but not completely. :)

I agree that some folks have an edge to their comments on the internet. I try to be all the more careful of what I write because folks so easily read between lines things which aren't there.

I find that the jovial ribbing we give one another in real life does not carry over very well in the internet unless the parties conversing are well-known to each other. I've even seen the jovial kidding drop like a lead balloon in real life because the joking individual is not aware of the other folks in the room that might misinterpret them--or for that matter, the mood of the other person he's chiding.

I agree many folks are too timid to voice an opinion on subjects. Ethnic jokes come to mind.

In the south where I grew up, it was slurs on black folks. In Connecticut where I spent 14 years of my married life, it was slurs on Italian, Puerto Rican, Black and Polish. Now? It's slurs on everyone except white folks. White folks are called a multiplicity of things yet we are not considered to be prejudiced against at all.

My daughter's best friend (who happened to be black) had a friend who stole my daughter's purse. After that event, my daughter never understood why her friend no longer associated with her. My daughter lost her purse and personal photos and a friend. The friend could not stand with my daughter because to stand with my daughter would mean she stood against her "sisterhood".

My son stood up to people all the time who were prejudiced. His friends were mostly black. At his funeral his pall bearers were black, Mexican, old and young, businessmen and blue-collar workers.

There is coming a day, not for another century, where the races will be gone. We will have so intermarried that the entire world will be of one color. Wonder what we'll fight about then? selahV