...at least 15. I can't imagine what number I'd assign my pain without the aid of hydrocodone and aspirin. If it's this bad with the medication, it's a good chance I would not be writing to you. As it is, I am keeping my eyes closed as I type and check for typos now and then. How'd it happen? It's freaky.
At a few minutes before noon, I simply reached across the dining-room table for a piece of paper. Pain ripped through my lower back. I couldn't breathe. Bright light flashed in front of my eyes then darkness seemed to blind my mind. Nausea grabbed me by the throat; I almost passed out. I stood perfectly still. Didn't move a muscle. I held my breath and waited for the searing, wrenching pain to ease. It didn't.
At present, I need hubby's assistance to walk; he's my crutch.
I take tiny steps. Actually it's more like a shuffle. It's excruciating just to get up and stand still. Suffice it to say, we canceled plans to go junking in Duncan. All afternoon, I laid back in my recliner trying not to move anything but my fingers. The simple intake of breath causes pressure pain to hit my back.
This evening I'm praying I don't sneeze--still a bit queazy. Don't want to wiggle my toes, scratch my leg, or flex a muscle. Most any movement causes greater pain.
Still, I am compelled to praise the Lord as I consider how good I have it--how much better off I am than all those poor tornado victims in Alabama and Mississippi. I think about the folks in Japan and am grateful. So grateful. Though my pain is worse than any I've felt in a long time, it's still less than what others suffer each day. It's far less than my brother-in-law is enduring with his mouth and throat cancer. He's on morphine. I think of the heartache and misery our military face because of lost arms, eyes, legs and more in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Blessed, I am. Blessed I'll be. Ever mindful ot the sufficient grace of God that meets the weakness of my temporary trial. Yes, temporary. Should the good and merciful LORD decide to leave me in this state for years, it is still but a single intake of breath in comparison to the eternal bliss and comfort I shall have in heaven one day. So,
"This suffering is all part of the work God has given you. Christ, who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps." (1 Peter 2:21)
Odd, when I consider "suffering is all part of the work God has given" me. I never really thought about suffering as work. Yet, here it is. And all I need do to follow Jesus is endure it. It's easy to recall the suffering of Jesus so close to Easter--so much emphasis has been on His crucifixtion and resurrection. Not once did Jesus complain in His suffering. No pity parties. No grumbling. Not even an irritable spirit. Yes, now....now, I can discern how suffering is part of the work that God gives.
"And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."Along with Paul, I stake my hope on resurrection, a time when Christ will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:21
Suffering is not about me. It's about glorifying God--working through it, submitting to it as Christ Jesus did during His scourging, mockery, and tortuous death.
Need I even pray about my pain? The suffering? In light of "Your Father knows what you need before you ask."? Matthew 6:8
Of course I pray. I pray that I do not enter into the temptation to grumble, complain and whine. I praise God for the opportunity to do the work He has given me to do. Though I cannot stand and cook dinner, fold laundry, or even bend to brush my teeth, I can accept the "work God" gives me. I think the whole purpose for this suffering is so I'd search for scriptures to convey to you, my friends, that God is supplying. So, this is fine...this is good. I am a woose for the most part, but I can do this. Yes, I can.
"I can do everything through Him Who gives me strength!" Philippians 4:13
I know I'm not alone. I know my Redeemer did more than save my soul. He left me with the Holy Spirit. He gifted me with His strength and He assures me with:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 2:9)
What a mighty, prepared, think-ahead God we have! What a peace is mine! Amazing, don't you think? selahV