We all experience it. Loss. Some losses are permanent, some are temporary. Some small, some large. Nevertheless, we all have them. I have come to realize that the little losses are those that prepare us for the larger ones. And the larger ones are those from which we learn some of life's greatest lessons. For me, at least.
Sometimes we cling to so much stuff we are like children set loose in a toy store. We can't make up our minds about what we want. We just grab and grab and grab. Before long our arms are so full we can no longer hold onto everything. We begin to drop things or let go of things we thought important.
Before my son died, I thought anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness were worth holding in my heart for some reason. I took offense for offenses he received from the world. When he died, there was no need to feel that way any longer. He could no longer be offended or hurt. By anyone or anything. I stood before his casket and recognized that life was too very short to be wasted on feeling anger, clinging to insults, or holding onto hurt. It took me a long while, a couple of years as a matter of fact, to come to grips with how to totally relinquish those things which mattered so little in the scheme of things. That's not to say that things no longer anger me....that I no longer get hurt. It's just saying that, for me, the pain is so much less in comparison than to that which really hurts in life.
The worst pain I ever felt in life is losing my son. All else pales in comparison. So that loss left behind a shield of sorts to what the world doles out today. Less penetrates the depth of my heart. Less pinches my emotional nerves. Things which use to crush my spirit, spoil my day, annoy me, follow me around for days, no longer have such power. So, loss enables me to live with less baggage.
My loss left me with greater compassion for those who hurt. It left behind a deeper desire to pray for those who choose to hurt others unnecessarily. It taught me to treasure time with those I love.
Loss also gives me hope. I look forward to the day when this temporary vessel of mine is no longer needed...to the day when I will be reunited with my son, and have the blessings of his complete presence in my life, rather than the shards of memories. His loss left behind a greater appreciation for those things which are eternal. I can't even imagine life on earth without my Saviour's strength, empowerment, and peace. I cannot comprehend how I existed without knowing His grace and experiencing His mercy. Yet...
I did.
For many years I did not know how merciful He was. For many years, I was totally unaware of the grace He lavished upon me. And through loss, I find it all the more amazing that He would be all He is to me when I constantly sit and seek more of all He is...because I cannot get enough of Him. I want more. Such irony--to want more when I feel the sufficiency of His grace. To have my thirst quenched, only to thirst again for Him. To have my spirit fed, only to hunger more for Him. I guess as long as we are on this earth we will seek more of Him than we have. I know one thing. He gives me more and more...the more I want and the more I need of Him. He fills me up as soon as I run dry when I seek Him. When I ask. Give us this day, our daily bread, oh, Lord.
