KIDS' MATTERS

GRANDMA'S SUPPORTING ROLE

  Life is a buzz, a twitter, a face in a book.  We don't measure time in seconds anymore, we measure it in realtime, DSL connection "load-time", "dial-up", and more.  The thing is, with all the computer game frenzy, the Nintendos, Leapsters, and Barbie Doll computers, the less time children spend on drawing, coloring, writing and developing their creative imagination.  What's a parent to do?  The world is changing.

So here we are.  Grandmas who are privileged to stay at home.  We have the undeniable opportunity to do what the world does not do for our grandchildren.  Create magical moments!  We can support the world of technology and gadgetry, by undergirding the fundamentals of life.  But will we?

In an article by award-winning Children's author, Dixie Phillips, a pastor's wife in Iowa, and have served the Gospel Lighthouse Church, in Floyd, Iowa, for 29 years.  Dixie gives a few pointers on keeping "writing" alive with children that were so basic for we grandma's who love to instill old fashion values, and appreciation for yesteryears.  Oddly, these are some of the things my grandchildren and I do right now.  I feel so special (can you see my head growing?).  As well as developing small-motor skills, the ideas are those which any of us can do.  Here a few she offered with a bit of my embellishments and a couple of my own ideas. 

Give your grandies flip-top notepads and pretend they are waiters/waitresses.  (My granddaughters love this game.  We had many a peanut buttter sandwich delivered to us with a glass of apple juice.) 

Give them a set of thank-you notes so they can write thank-yous for gifts (or as Dixie suggested--"o local officials who are doing something for the community).  Teach them how to address the envelope.  Let them take it to the mailbox.  (Send them notes in the mail.  They love to get mail.)

Let them add their favorite foods to your grocery list.  (To develop better reading skills, let them cross off the items on the list.)  By the way...you don't have to go to the grocery to do this.  You can let the grocery store be your cupboards, and let them go shopping there and take a few things back into a play area.  My granddaughters do this all the time.

Let them write a letter to the editor of a local paper.  Often these letters are published and give children an opportunity to see their words in print.  This could be the moment they decide they are contributors in society.

Let them have a party for a couple of friends.  Have them design their own invitations and send them in the mail.  If you're not up to partying, then let them invite their cousins to a movie.

Help them make a calendar of events.  Then you can have them post what they did on the calendar.  If they fill their calendar with things they do each day, then you can reward them with a dime a day.  It's a great way to motivate writing, but also to record memories.

Help them make a card for another family member who lives far away (or across town) and send it to them.  Let them take notes in worship and then later send a thank you to the preacher for teaching them about God.

How about you?  Got any innovative ideas you can come up with to help teach your children to use their writing skills?  Maybe you're like me.  I was inspired to write this post today when I happened across Dixie's website. Peruse my archives and see if you find anything that lights up that bulb in your life.

BETRAYALS, BULLIES AND REMEDIES

I hadn't seen my granddaughters in a month.  They're out of school now and have been going to a Y-club for daycare while their mom works.  The first topic introduced by my older granddaughter was the isolation she felt as a new kid in the mix of children.  She's a gregarious little gal and loves to socialize.  However, sometimes when she thinks she has a friend in someone, she's quickly betrayed when an older friend to that "someone" enters the equation.  It's a never-ending circle of difficulty that comes with childhood socialization.

It also creates a dilemna of sorts for parents as they try to teach young ones conflict resolution.  Some say ignore them.  Easy for us to say, we don't have to play dodgeball and relay races with them.  Others encourage them to work it out, go to the other person and let them know how you feel.  That could work if there's a facilitator to help guide the tender emotions and minds of children involved.  Still others say, forgive them and turn the other cheek.  Be as kind as you can be and everything will work out.  Sometimes that works.  But often bullies prevail and instigators provoke.  When all else fails, a parent can go to the leaders of such a daycare and intervene.  But what's a grandma to do?

Well, after you get over the initial transferral of heartache for the child, and desire to defend at all costs, you pray.  You pray for God to give you the right words to say to your grandchild.  In my case, I discovered Brooklyn didn't so much want a solution as she wanted understanding--someone to hear her pain.  She needed:

~~Empathy. How did that make you feel?

~~Identification.  That's how I felt when I was your age and had friends treat me like that.

~~Compassion.  I can understand how hurt you were.  I'm so sorry you had to go through that situation.

~~Assurance.  You know, some folks don't have someone to love them.  But you always have me and Jesus.  No matter what others think or say or how they treat you, you need to always remember that, okay?

~~Guidance.  What do you think causes folks to act like that?  What do you think you could do to make a difference with your friends?

~~Instruction.  If I were you, I'd be as kind to them as possible.  And if they say mean things, I'd say kind things.  I'd say, "I'm sorry you feel that way.  I don't feel that way about you.  I'd like you to be my friend."

~~Prayer.  How about we pray about this?  Let's forgive these friends so we feel better about them.  Then let's pray for them to know Jesus, too.  And then let's see what God can do to make it better for everyone.

As I thought about these things, the Lord impressed upon me that adults are not exempt from the same problems.  Conflict is inevitable in life.  Sometimes it is best to avoid conflict, because it is not worth time, energy or emotions to battle.  It's better to reserve our strength for the battles that matter--those that make a difference in eternity.  Forgiveness is a much lighter load to carry than bitterness and revenge.  After all, love never fails and Jesus is the best remedy, don't you think?  selahV

[copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2008]   

SPECIAL SPACES

It's a little thing really.  Creating special spaces.

I took an old board and attached a stake.  I painted flowers and Abby's name on it and made it into a street sign.  I placed it in my flowerbed with stepping-stones beside it.  When Abby saw it, she was thrilled to know there was not only a special place in my heart for her, there was a special place in my garden.  selahV 

SOMETHING MAGICAL

IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

But it had all the ingredients for something magical.

A sunny day.   An Oklahoma breeze.

A lunchable lunch pack.  A bottle of water.  A banana.  A patchwork quilt.  HayJae and me.  Wella!

INSTANT PICNIC!!! 

First we sat in her little red wagon and watched honeybees hover on buttercups and clover.  A butterfly flit from dandelions to purple flowering weeds.  "Where's his mommy?" HayJae inquired of the tiny orange butterfly.  "Where do you think his mommy is?" I replied.

"At his home.  We need to find his mommy."

So then we went "exploring".  We treked across the meadow in search of the butterfly's mommy.  As we walked, another orange butterfly floated into view--a larger one.  "There she is!  There's his mommy!"  HayJae squealed as the Oklahoma breeze whisked it away.  "Let's go get her," she ordered.   So off we went.  Near the lagoon in the back acre of the backyard, several cleared trees lay grouped in a pile and surrounded by mounds of dirt.  Decorating the dirt were clusters of violets, yellow daisies and clover.  As we began to pick wildflowers for HayJae's mommy, a huge monarch butterfly fluttered by. "There's his Dada!" HayJae squealed again.  Two things amazed me during that portion of our expedition.

Three sizes of butterflies.  HayJae's 2-year-old ability to differentiate and assign relationships to them according to size.  And the coincidental miracle of three sizes of the same color butterflies floating around in my daughter's back yard at the precise moment we began our search for the first butterfly's home.   Amazing is the hand of God.

But there is more. 

From a distance, we could see the neighbor's horses grazing in their field. So we walked over to the fence and sat down to watch them.  Moments later they saw us and ventured over to say hello.

We fed them "mommy's" bouquet because "mommy wouldn't care".  We stroked the soft noses and HayJae shuddered away when the big brown one nibbled the posies in my palm.  "He bite you, Grama?"

"No, baby.  Give me your hand."  She extended her hand.  I softly moved my lips across her palm to show her how the horse's mouth felt when it ate from my hand.  "Oh, that don't hurt."

We sat in HayJae's wagon and watched the horses graze. 

It was rather funny.  As we sat there watching the horses, they stood there watching us.  They seemed to enjoy our world better than theirs--evidenced by them straining against the barbed-wire fence to nibble the grass on our side of the boundary.  HayJae's favorite was the paint.  "I wanna ride it."

"When you get bigger."   She drew back and looked me in the eye, atonishment stared back at me.  "I gonna get big?"

"Yes, baby.  You're gonna get bigger."

"Like Brooklyn?"

"Mmmmn hmmn."

She looked at the two horses again.  "Big like mommy and you?"

"Yes, baby.  You're gonna get big like mommy." 

"And then I can ride my horses."  Suddenly HayJae took ownership of the neighbor's horses.  When I affirmed she'd be big enough to ride horses, she grabbed my neck and hugged me with the most endearing squeeze of appreciation.  You would have thought I'd given her those horses.

When we opened our lunchable pack of cheese, crackers, and ham, HayJae looked up at me and smiled that famous HayJae happy-smile and said, "I like picnics, Grama.  This is a good picnic."

Love and joy waltzed into my heart and filled my mind with a peaceful harmony.  Indeed, it was a good picnic--something magical about it.  Perhaps it was because thirty-eight years ago today was the day HayJae's mommy was born.

Yeah, something magical, indeed. [copyrighted, SelahV Today, 2007]

JUST A SUGGESTION

May I make a suggestion?  If you are a grandmother (or grampa), and live within driving distance of your grandchildren, go have lunch with them.  At least once a month.

Several things happen when I go visit my grandchildren at school.  Let me list a few here.  The girls are overjoyed.  They feel special, loved, and remembered.  What may not seem like a big deal today will be a bridge in a gap in their adolescent years ahead.

The teachers love it, too.  They let me read books and even inspect papers.  How can I go wrong looking over a five-year-old's paper?  The admiration and pride in my granddaughters' eyes when Grama gets to read for the whole class is worth more than a trip to Hawaii.  So visiting serves to boost my spirits, too.

Talk to all the children.  Enjoy the moments.  Many of my grandchildren's classmates are starving for the kind of love the Lord allows me to show my girls.  Take time to listen to the conversations children engage in around their lunchtime.  You'll learn alot about why they think the way they do; why they act the way they act; and how better to pray for their needs on a daily basis.

If you go for lunch, take Kit-Kats along.  Not for your grandchildren.  No, no.  For the teacher's pick-me-up in midafternoon.  Teachers are people, too.  Tell them how much you appreciate them.  Your validation may well be what helps them get through another session of one unruly child's misbehavior.  And what if that unruly child happens to be your grandchild?  All the better.  Your kindness today may be the fuel of mercy for an otherwise over-taxed critical spirit tomorrow.

Be a kid.  Get down where they are.  Travel back in your memory and look at the world through their eyes.  It's a beautiful view on most given days.   Enjoy the moments.  Enjoy the view.  Have a great time.  And if you think I am pushy, just remember--it's just a suggestion. [copyrighted,selahVtoday,2007]  P.S.  If your grandchildren aren't within driving distance, then adopt some child from church and be their grandparent once a month on any given day.  God ain't ever finished with us.