FROM A PASTOR'S HEART

Recently I visited Tony Sisk's blog and found an incredibly profound post on ministering to people who have lost a loved one.  Having lost a 33 year-old son long before I was ready to let him go, I know firsthand the pain and agony of death.  Tony has a methodical yet incredibly sincere way of ministering to folks who have lost a loved one.  I recommend this blog for all pastors everywhere as a great guideline for comforting those who mourn.

One of the most comforting things for me was reading all the cards people sent.  I devoured them.  All I looked forward to after the funeral was going to the mailbox.  For weeks I received multiple cards.  Then they began to dwindle.  Sporadically appearing two or three times a week.  Then once a week.  Then every two or three weeks.  Then none.  When the cards stopped coming, I felt lost.  I wondered.  Does anyone know I still hurt?  Has everyone forgotten my son?  Was he so insignificant?

On Mother's Day a year after Chad died, his helper in his Tile Business came to my house and brought me a Mother's Day card. It was the most beautiful thing anyone could have done for me.  Chacon is like a second son.  But I never dreamed he'd remember me on Mother's Day with a hand-delivered card.  He'd driven over an hour to bring it to me.  No one else came that day.  Just Chacon.

Every time the 8th of the month rolls around I remember.  It's now been one year, ten months and two days that I've been without my son.  He is with the Lord.  He is at peace.  And I am coping.  The excruciating pain has lessened.  Only on occasion do I feel the burdening crush of pain that robs me of thought and breath.  I like to talk about my son.  Folks are uncomfortable.  They don't know what to say.  Funny.  When I rattle on non-stop about my grandchildren, they have no problem chatting with me.  But talking about the love and joy I have in my memories of my son creates a wall between anyone in a conversation.

I'm grateful for Tony and his pastor's heart.  He's alot like my husband.  Go over and read his blog.  And then send everyone you know a copy of it.  It's worth the read.  May God's grace be sufficient to meet your needs and abound.  SelahV

Comments

[Tony Sisk]

selahV,

Thank you for the link and the more than kind words. In the short time I have known you, you have proven an immense blessing to my blogging and my ministry. God bless you and your family!

I do say, though, bringing a card to you on Mother's Day was a thought direct from God, no doubt about it. No wonder you consider him a "second son."

Again, many blessings!

[Rose]

Dear Selah,

God bless and comfort you as share your heart with others. This is such an uncomfortable subject for people, but it's so helpful when we can be open about it. I send cards to friends on the anniversary of the day they lost a loved one. I'm sure I read this somewhere a long time ago, and even though I felt awkward the first time I did it, I was so blessed by the person who received the card. They were so thankful that someone would remember the day they thought only they would remember.

The young man who brought you the Mother's Day card was a blessing straight from the Lord wasn't he? That is truly amazing.

Your son's headstone is beautiful...makes me cry to read it.

Hugs to you,
Rose

[selahV]

Adri is my son's legacy to me. They were dearest friends. They worked side by side for over three years, day in and day out. When they weren't tiling, they hung out together, detailing cars, painting Chad's house, putting up fences and all-round enjoying each other. They knew each other's hearts. And Adri knew exactly how much my son loved me and how much I loved him. He knew his daughters as well, too. I call him a son. I am blessed. selahV

[Alice C.]

I had to watch another family mourning the loss of their child in the hospital last night. For me right now, it's too close to home as I ponder the possibility of losing my own child. Thanks for your post and your whole blog.

[Alice C.]

Also, thanks for your loving comments on my blog. I'm going to link to yours there, if that's ok.

[SelahV]

Alice, your heartache is so fresh my sister. I cannot begin to tell you how much I pray the Lord heals your son and gives you your hearts desires. There are no words which can possibly help in times like these. Just cherish each and every second. All the time with every one you hold dear. My heart still breaks when I recall my son's last words to me on the evening before he died. "Ilove you, Momma." He said it with such a sadness that I was taken aback. I usually respond with I love you too, but this time I said, I'll see you tomorrow. Now my tomorrow is when the Savior calls me home. I really look forward to that day, now. I was ashamed to realize how much more I wanted to go there after the loss of Chad. Why hadn't I had the yearning as strong before he died? Why didn't I see how precious my Savior was? In comparison, my son was more important on earth than the Lord was in heaven. I love Jesus. And I loved Him when my son died. But I cannot begin to explain the depth of my love for Him today in comparison.

I rest easier now. I see people differently. Life has a totally different meaning. You, dear Alice, are far more than a name on a blogsite. Your blog is you to me. I cannot touch you or hug you. But by God's grace and provision I can pray for you and He can touch you, hold you and cradle you. May His grace give you strength to meet the day ahead. selahV

[Alice C.]

Thanks so much dear sister--and won't heaven be amazing as we all worship the Lord together, with no more sickness or sorrow? I can't wait!