COMMON MATTERS

Geronimo and Mud-Pies

Ever wonder why some folks return venom and rejection when others, as a rule, show kindness and concern with most everything they say and do.  The not-knowing why a person does what he does, can drive you crazy with speculation, sometimes.

Momma use to say, "Oh, he just got up on the wrong side of the bed." Or, "He musta had a hair in his biscuit this morning."

I notice when my granddaughters are brimming over and tickled pink, it is usually because they have spent a bunch of time making mud-pies and playing outside in the sun.  Or, their daddy has taken them on one of their museum trips and explained why folks say "Geronimo!"

However, when they are in a sour irritable mood, they are either tired, bored, hungry, or upset that they didn't get their way about something. Sometimes they are simply dealing with the consequences they bring upon themselves--the guilt, the punishment, the isolation, the shunning of their friends and siblings.  I go through the process of elimination with them and figure out exactly what's bugging them.

I do that with lousy waiters and waitresses, too.  I can't ask them nitty gritty specifics, but I ask empathetic questions with, has it been a busy day today?  you look like you've had a rough day today, too.  Usually, a person who is having a rough day says so.  Details.  It's important, I think, to pay attention to details.  A furrowed brow.  A clenched jaw.  A pinched lip. The way they place the food on the table.  Unfortunately, you can't do much observing behind a monitor; can you?

About all you can do is read what others say, study their interchanges with others, check out their blogs to gauge their character, their normal "voice" and tone on issues.  You examine words and phrases, and discourse, to see what you can determine from beneath the microscope of inspections.  You watch, from afar.  You see if others who think like you are treated with disdain or approval. You wait to see if others are given a pass on that which you see another get condemned for doing.  You see if there is a pattern of approval and disapproval--of favoritism and selective rebuke.  You watch for buzz-words that trigger anger or calm folks down. You do as they do.  Then you wait.

You wait to see if what you do is as acceptable as what others do.  You observe how others approach what you do and what you say and try and discern why they are angry, frustrated, irritated, annoyed or plum hunky-dory.  Then you decide if what you do is worth a hassle, the feedback, the insults, the condemnation.  You have stood on this battlefront before.  You know the arrows that will fly:  Sometimes they come in full force.  Sometimes a single one lit with fire.  Sometimes with precision.  Many times they miss the mark entirely.  Other times they glance your cheek but leave you unscathed. You assess the battle ahead.  When you've gathered the information you need and have the data to "prove" a point you believe is worth making, you have a choice to make.  Stand strong, move forward, or retreat.

The choice is yours. You make a decision. Then you do what you always do:

You  go to the museum and spend time with your Father and find out why folks cry, "Geronimo!" before they take a leap of faith. You wonder if you truly have what it takes to be strong and courageous as people try to take away your freedom and force you to live on the controlled reservations of life.  Then you go make mud-pies in the Sunshine. selahV

The Nothing Box

You might ask what is a "nothing box"?  I don't have one.  Most men have them. It's the space a man retreats to when he has nothing to say about a matter, or whenever he has things he doesn't want to deal with.  He sticks those things in his nothing box and forgets about it.  We ladies have a tough time relating to that "nothing box".  If we have something we don't want to deal with, we stuff it in a closet or shove it under the rug. We cram it in our purse, or stick it in the junk drawer.  Then we run around the house pretending it doesn't exist, all the while thinking about what in the world we are going to do with it. We worry about the space it's taking up beneath the rug and whether or not the rest of the world notices the lump it's created.  We plan out how we'll get to it tomorrow and think about how best to organize it when we do.  All the while we fold clothes, pay the bills, and go grocery shopping.  Not men.

Sometimes I ask my husband what he's thinking and he says, "Nothing".  I can't imagine that.  I can actually sit in my recliner, type a column on my computer, and think about stuff he ought to be thinking about.  I wonder how he can't be thinking about it.  How can he lie around thinking "nothing" all day long?

I asked my husband one day what he was thinking.  He said, "Nothing". Absolutely  nothing.  He literally can stare into space and nothing...not one single thought--passes through his mind.

We ladies are always thinking.  We think about rising gasoline prices, all the while wondering how to get strawberry kool-aid stain out of our sofa cushions.  We watch television and think about how we need to get up and clean that speck off the far right corner left by a fly that settled down on it the night before.  We drive down the road and stop at a stop light and wonder where the lady in the car beside us gets her hair done.  We stand in line at the grocery and wonder why they can't keep our favorite candybar stocked in every checkout lane instead of just lane 10 and 14.  We wonder where the day goes when we never leave the house and have nothing to show for the passage of 10 hours.  But men?

They just walk in the door, take off their caps, drop their keys, kick off their boots, read the paper, and wait for dinner.  They shut off their minds and stick the key in the nothing box.  They do not fill it up with needless information like how many calories are in a nutty bar, or who ate all the Oreos.  If they want a nutty bar, they get one and eat it.  If all the Oreos are gone, they reach for a bag of Doritos. They watch their ballgames without once noticing the speck in the righthand corner of the television screen.

Men can sit all day watching one team after another advance in the brackets and never even think about the contents of their nothing box.  Why?  because there is nothing in there.  I just wonder how in the world do you find a space like that and not begin decorating it?

Sometimes they put us in their "nothing" box.  And that is a good thing.  At least when we are in their nothing box, they don't get upset with us when we switch the channel from Nascar to the Lifetime movie channel.  Of course I'm kidding.  There is no way they could sit through that without telling us exactly what they think.

When Ya Can't Please Everyone

you can't let it bust your balloon.  Not everyone is gonna like what you have to say.  I know.  Not everyone likes what I have to say.  It's life.  I understand it.  You know why?  Cause I don't like everything everyone else in the world has to say.  But...the beauty of living in America is that we get to say what we want to say cause it is a free country, that is, as long as we endeavor to keep it that way.  If a person has any opinion about anything at all, criticism is inevitable.

When we hear it, witness it, or feel it....sometimes, we need to simply ignore it.  We shouldn't let the devil get a foothold into our minds.  Negativity is not worth the time we give to analyze it, question it, or try to understand it. Like raindrops, we need to let some stuff roll off our backs, wipe away from our faces, and place in the hands of God.

We all have some of those folks in our lives who treat us with disdain.  Some see our names, hear our names, or read our names, and hairs stand up on the back of their necks.  They are not going to give us one benefit of the doubt.  They are not going to listen to a word we say.  They have already made up their minds that whatever we do or say is disingenuous, duplicitous, or suspect.  They are eager to rain on our parade.

In other words--it doesn't matter if the skies open up and a host of angels begin to laud you--some folks are going to plug their ears, close their eyes and wrinkle their nose.  You are not going to be liked by some people.  No one can ever accomplish that feat.  Remember, even Jesus had his critics.  Some people followed him around trying to nit-pick every word He said.  His adversaries waited on the fringe of every crowd (sometimes mingling within), to entrap a disciple--to denounce him, or call his actions into question.

In my husband's ministry of nearly 23 years, I can readily call to mind the handful of those kind of people who tried to destroy the work we were doing.  While some managed to cause a great deal of aggravation at times, they did not succeed in destroying us--nor the work we did. God was in the details.  It took me a few years to discover that naysayers, and irritating forces are few in number.  There really is no "they".  We allow the few to become an imaginary host by focusing all our energy and attention on the squeaky wheel.  Sometimes no matter how much grease you use, the wheel will keep on squeaking.  Some wheels are just made that way.  It's life. You have to focus on those folks who are receptive--who want your love, who want your help, who appreciate the Light you bring and the sunshine you offer. You have to stand up and be counted for those who want to be heard, too--for those who do not have the microphones, the teleprompters, and bastions of press secretaries to wiggle out of everything they say.  And if folks don't want to believe you when you tell them that the sky is not falling, but the gas prices are rising to unreachable standards, then, hey...let them pay ten-bucks at the pump for a gallon of gas, and the rest of us will fight to help them even though they don't want help.  Don't get offended.

Forgive them, and go on.  Don't miss the rainbows.  Sing louder.  Smile wider.  Praise more.  Laugh often.  Dance in the rain, even if others want to hide and hover beneath their umbrellas and miss the blessings the Lord has beyond the storm.  Just be happy; ya can't please everyone, anyway.